They say a bartender acts as a therapist. I decided to make it official. My only credentials are listening to hundreds upon hundreds of people’s problems, over more years than I can admit. Let me wipe the bar down for you, put down a fresh coaster, then pour you a drink. Pull up your stool and tell me all about it. Remember, I’ve heard it all. If you have a question, please email Discounttherapist@Yahoo.com. You will remain anonymous. Also, you get what you pay for.
I love my boyfriend, but he decides when we have sex—he and he alone. It doesn’t matter when I want it. I end up taking it whenever I can get it. Sometimes, we go weeks without it. Other times, it’s three times in a day. When I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry and won’t. What do I do?
- Living Sex Doll
Dear Living Sex Doll,
There is nothing more frustrating than dealing with a partner who has control issues, which is what it seems we are dealing with. You can’t initiate sex, only him? Maybe that works for your dynamic, but it sounds like it doesn’t and you’re frustrated. I know I would be upset, if someone was holding my head down and calling all the shots. Men will argue and say this is how it has been for years or "Now you know how it feels." Well, guess what? Women have sexual needs too. I know this is controversial. Suggest to him that you take a lover. That way, the pressure will be taken off of him. That, I’ll bet, will scare the ever-loving shit out of him. He probably doesn’t realize how easy it is for you to find someone else—someone who isn’t selfish and doesn’t use sex as a tool. Masturbate right in front of him. Don’t let him touch you. Don’t even let him see you, go do it in another room. Then, when he wants his sex three times a day, decline. The other option is to leave this immature and self-centered person for someone more in tune to your needs. He certainly seems to want you to be to his. You’re not just a series of holes and you have a right to choose when your needs are to be met.
Of course, no one owes anyone sex. Everyone has the right to have a dry spell or stress. These are trying times. The fact you say that you can’t initiate or decide is the problem. You are the queen of your castle. Stop letting him storm it.
My partner and I have been living together for over a year. All they want is meat. I was a vegetarian before and a pescatarian later. I don’t want to have to make two separate meals, but he won’t eat so many things and it’s frustrating. I usually end up making a meat meal and I just end up eating the sides. How do you cohabitate with someone that has a completely different food desire?
-Domestic Partner
Dear Domestic Partner,
That’s a hard one. I know I wouldn’t want to make two separate meals. Picky eaters are frustrating. I grew up in a household where you ate what was given to you—no "ifs," "ands" or "buts." I’m over it now. I throw food out and they can eat it or starve. My dad was an extremely picky eater, to the point where growing up, my mom would cook a dinner for him and a separate one for us—every night. How exhausting.
I think you have two choices. Either go the separate meal route—just so you can eat what you would like to have—or demand he do the same. Guess what? We’re having fish and vegetables! You could also trade off cooking. He makes what he wants for both of you one night and then you cook what sounds good to you the next. I have no patience for people who just decide they won’t eat stuff (unless it’s an allergy, of course).
It’s difficult right now, during the pandemic, because you can’t just go to a restaurant or bar and choose whatever you want off a menu [ED: this statement may or may not be applicable at press time, but it could be again sometime in the future, depending on the mood of our elected officials]. We had to revert to the old school, cooking for the entire household—and not everyone has the same tastes. We have to meal plan, grocery shop and make sure we didn’t forget ingredients. Remember, there’s always takeout, if having the meats is too overwhelming. Hopefully, this all ends soon.
