When I began working as a bouncer at Dixie Tavern in 2017, the guys who worked the front door were prodigiously deadly hunters of the fake ID. After closing, I would look through the stack they’d confiscated for the night, and I always wondered if I would have been able to call them out as fake. Catching fake IDs was woven heavily into the bouncer culture of that establishment, and it was a skill I was eager to develop...

For many, February is the month when all the labrador significant others clamor together to make a big to-do about one day. Unfortunately, this isn't Groundhog Day, which is February 2nd, by the way. Much like Christmas and a person's birthday, Valentine's Day is typically one of those holidays you feel the pressure to perform for some reason. It isn't enough to tell that special someone that you love them every day and perhaps shower them with affection and gifts of pancakes and whisky once in a while as you serenade them to sleep with your perfectly off-tune rendition of an Oasis song—no…you must outdo everything you've done thus far, and pull out all the stops. Go hog wild, so to speak...

Although I have been described as a "scene critic," my true passion is learning useless music history trivia and letting it live rent-free in my head for all eternity. Any chance I get to slip some deep lore and music nerd factoids about my favorite artists into this column, I pounce on it. And it usually gets through because the editor is desperate for content...

The crazyhouse. The nuthouse. The mental institution. The insane asylum. Somewhere nobody wants to be. Trapped in a room, drugged, and kept by order of the court. In the name of justice. They decide if you belong there or not.

Do you believe in this practice? Well, guess what, motherfucker, it is not up to you. I, myself, have never been adjudicated mentally deficient, oddly. However, this sort of thing happens fairly often. The state has the ultimate authority, of course, and can decide to commit someone to a mental hospital, ostensibly for their own good and the good of society.

There are many reasons one can end up there. Most involve prior crimes or unstable behavior. Are they really helping? What good does this do? How does one end up in the nuthouse? How easy is it to leave? Is this some "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" shit? I decided to find out...