I’ve been a bouncer for six and a half years now, and in that time, I’ve run into all manner of difficulties that come with the job. Drunk people alone manage to cause an entire spectrum of new, interesting, and unpleasant problems; one night, maybe a crying drunk girl gets mascara stains all over my shirt, and the next night, perhaps someone shits in the urinal...drunks are creative that way. Ongoing interpersonal dramas that, some-stupid-fucking-how, I end up having to deal with (or even just hear about) are a particularly enjoyable difficulty I run into a lot, and when I say "fun," what I really mean is "my personal hell." Seriously, who the fuck watches Days of Our Lives?! I get really goddamn annoyed when I have to deal with other people’s drama at work. At least then, I’m getting paid for it. Watching it on TV is the last thing I want to do, which is probably why I gravitate towards comedies. But I digress.
Danger is another common challenge on the job. I’ve had guns pointed in my face a couple of times, and I’ve heard shots within a couple of blocks more times than I can count. I’ve stared down unhinged, angry people armed with axes and hammers. I recently stepped up for a knife fight that didn’t come to fruition, presumably because the other fella didn’t realize we’d both be holding knives. Well, that, and mine was bigger. I’ve found that one of the most challenging difficulties of the bouncer gig is the tightrope walk that is empathy. You could make the case for which character traits make for a good bouncer: courage, strength, wisdom…but I think empathy is one that doesn’t get the attention it deserves, and the nature of the job makes it an easy one to neglect or even abandon.
I get paid to protect my people; a dangerous situation is made no less dangerous by knowing that the person making it that way may be mentally ill or homeless. Removing, neutralizing, or otherwise ending the danger is the only thing that matters in that moment. The raggedy huddle smoking the foil half a block upwind of my club’s patio has to be relocated; the people I’m protecting are having to breathe that fentanyl smoke, too, and that’s not acceptable; acknowledging someone’s struggles with addiction doesn’t make it okay for their smoke to be wafting into my patio. Focusing on negative things easily becomes a default mindset when you’re dealing with them regularly, especially since, as I mentioned earlier, empathy often takes a back seat to more pressing concerns. It’s easy to stop seeing humans and instead see them as anthropomorphized problems, like a really fucked up Pixar flick; Crazy, Obnoxious, Drunk, Unstable, Smelly, Needy, Bum, Foil Smoker, Drama Queen, Nutjob, Junkie, Urinal Shitter. Wait a second...if anyone who works at Pixar somehow ends up reading this, hit me up—I have an idea for a movie.
Losing touch with empathy is understandable, but that doesn’t make it right. That’s when we become a part of the problem; not only do we end up losing touch with our humanity, both individually and collectively, but we become willing participants in the very system that dumps addiction, poverty, and mental illness directly on our doorstep for you and I to deal with, rather than providing them with the help they need. We as bouncers need to have the self-awareness to recognize in ourselves when we’re losing touch with empathy and compassion and correct course accordingly. That goes as much for me as for anyone else. After all, while bouncer work can earn you a living, that living probably does not exist in the lap of luxury. Interacting with the homeless population of the neighborhood where I work serves as a chilling reminder that I’m never more than one sufficient financial setback away from joining them.
I try to keep that in mind when I have to deal with anyone in a security capacity. How would I prefer to be treated if I were in their shoes? I was a preacher’s kid growing up. As an adult, I’ve left religion in the rearview mirror, but I’ve managed not to throw out the baby with the bath water. Several biblical nuggets of wisdom have stayed with me over the years; "Love your neighbor as you love yourself" and "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" are a few that come to mind. Never thought you’d be reading scripture in a skin mag like this one, did you? Don’t worry, I won’t make a habit of quoting the bible, but Jesus did seem to have an affinity for the poor, the downtrodden, and sex workers. That’s an example I’m more than happy to follow.
None of this is to say we shouldn’t do what we need to do on the job. Deal with the danger, the drama, and the drunkenness as needed. That’s the whole gig. It’s what we’re paid to do. But as situations allow, take the time to get to learn about the underlying issues behind someone’s troublesome behavior. Get to know the person behind the problem. Not every problem can be solved by kicking (Road House!). Security isn’t the only line item on the bouncer job description. It’s been my experience that bouncer work also includes such collateral duties as concierge, mediator, and occasional amateur therapist. Punch people when they need to be punched, but help people where you’re able to help.
Nate Hazen is a bouncer, meme dealer, writer, and all-around swell guy. Both his approach to life and his approach to work have been shaped heavily by his parents, who taught him his whole life to be both “tough and tender.” As a parent of a transgender teenager, empathy is an issue that is near and dear to his heart.
