Whether or not you plan on stripping until you die, or getting out before your peers qualify for retirement, it's worthwhile to conduct an audit of the skills you've picked up over the years and find a way to monetize them. Don't downplay the fact that you've probably learned more in a few months than the average graduate student does in six years (which makes the whole “stripping to pay for college” thing seem redundant). Some people pay for a degree in psychology, while others get paid to work around drunk men who spill their feelings. Some people pay for a degree in theatrical arts, while others switch between sexy, naked clown costumes and naughty schoolgirl outfits to figure out which is the best fit for the upcoming burlesque competition. The difference between a college campus and a strip club is nothing more than a piece of paper, as you, the Jill-of-all-trades, have basically earned a degree in multiple subjects, even if the “adults only” stigma prevents most people from realizing this. So, whether or not you plan on continuing to dance for the rest of your life, you can still make a sizable amount of scratch by monetizing the skills you've picked up on the pole, now and in the future.
Rule 11: Find a Way to Parlay Your Club Skills Into Normie Money
Believe it or not, I have a Master's degree (mass media studies) and a Bachelor's to go along with it (behavioral psychology), so in this economy, it only makes sense that I ended up as a strip club DJ slash porn mag writer. Yet, even though I have worked in behavioral health centers and radio stations, in two decades of having said degree(s), not one employer has ever checked to verify my qualifications. No employer, in the history of my post-graduate employment, has been the least bit concerned with making sure Portland State actually gave me a taxpayer-funded piece of paper, on which I keep a pile of unpaid bills.
On the flipside, every person who has ever given me money for labor and/or services unrelated to my degree has taken steps to ensure that I'm actually skilled enough to provide said labor or services. When I'm applying for a job at a locked-down and monitored, state-run agency for level five behavioral risk teenagers, I only need a copy of my driver's license and two references (neither of whom will ever be called), but when I apply for a day shift at Bob's Babes & Burgers, it usually requires an unpaid audition, proof that I've worked at other clubs and a demonstrated ability to work around booze and hot chicks without crashing out. The takeaway is that, in the real world, pieces of paper get ignored, and results do the talking.
Basically, skills are skills, regardless of where you obtain them. Degrees are worthless (unless you're trying to become a lawyer or doctor) and no one ever checks them, even when they do demonstrate experience (the skill overlap between an empty radio station and a packed strip club is actually insane, as it's all about avoiding dead air, begging for money, and pretending that Aerosmith is a good band). Money talks and degrees are flammable, and every skill you learn at the club can be used to earn money outside the club. So, pause for a second, and evaluate what skills you, the stripper, can parlay into “normal” employment and entrepreneurship.
To get started, here are a handful of arenas where I've seen former (and current) pole queens actually make more money than they did (or do) at the club.
Event Planning (Including DJ'ing & Emceeing)
I've known a few dozen strippers who have learned to DJ, announce their peers, and throw theme nights, simply due to boredom and dead shifts. Even though the adult entertainment industry is somewhat of a seedy underbelly of the larger entertainment industry, these skills are directly transferable to venues for the clothed. The DJ booth at the roller rink uses the same setup as the DJ booth at Busy Beaver III (however, Busy Beaver II and Busy Beaver: Origins both use that garbage TouchTunes setup, so avoid those clubs). The Lucky Devil dog wash and haunted house require the same amount of planning and promotion as a high school prom. The microphone at Acropolis is the same one they have at the church. Equipment is equipment, regardless of the venue. If you can run a board at the club, you can run one at the sports game.
Even though you, the stripper, are used to performing onstage, there's no reason not to foster off-stage skills when the club is dead. Use those empty Monday afternoons to fuck around in the DJ booth and learn the mixer and mic. Hell, most DJs would probably give you full reign over the booth if it meant a much-needed blunt-and-burrito break. Host events at the club. Plan theme nights with your manager. You also don't have to leave your gig to pursue these skills, as there are many successful dancers who have become DJs/emcees while still dancing (shout out to Phoenix Rising), and just as many who throw events (Ta-Tas for Toys being one of my favorites). I would much rather attend a stripper-produced event than one put on by the same lame promoters who half-ass the local scene shows, because strippers understand entertainment (while most Portland bands seem like they don't even want to be on stage...go make up with your dad and tune your guitar, before ruining Wednesday night at Shithole Tavern for the rest of us).
Hair, Nails, Cosmetics, etc.
If you can do hair and makeup, and it's good hair and makeup, then there's no need for beauty school. I'm not sure what specific licenses or permits you need in Oregon, but do the absolute bare fucking minimum to obtain them, as you likely already have skills that make most “actual” beauty technicians look like five-year-olds who just found their mom's makeup box. Go to the $299 beauty school degree farm in the strip mall if you have to, or just go snag an LLC and stay off the radar for long enough to get proper certification. Then, do hair, nails, whatever. The word will get around, and you'll be in proper business before the next wedding season.
The beauty industry will also never be replaced by A.I. You cannot apply Instagram filters “IRL,” and as long as humans have existed, looking good has been a top priority for most female (and some male) consumers. Don't take for granted that you possess skills other chicks spend years in beauty school trying (and failing) to obtain. Get a side hustle doing makeup, hair, and nails, then see where that goes. Maybe try it on the weekends, or even at work when in the dressing room (yes, this goes against my “stay on the floor” rule, but money is money). You're an independent contractor, so act like one. I used to master and mix songs in the DJ booth using a secondary laptop, and would make more money doing that than I did from on-shift tips. The bartender has an OF, and she takes pictures in the walk-in. The bouncer might be selling bumps. As long as it doesn't affect your ability to perform your duties at the club, being a “hair and makeup girl” between dances and stage time is an easy way to pad your earnings at work (without looking like you're avoiding work).
From personal observation (not as a woman, nor someone who gets any work done besides occasional tattoo cover-ups), most of the beauty industry seems to be run by divorced white women in their forties, whose answer to every imperfection is either fillers or plastic, because they've never once consulted a straight male (and are only concerned with how women see other women). Droopy cheeks? Fill them with plastic. Saggy smile? Fill your lips with goop. Crow's feet? Needle full of plastic, every week, until broke. The “beauty industry” seems to have become on par with the “graphic design” (A.I.) industry, where it's all just the same slop that looks identical (and is actually unappealing to most people). As a penis-having, heterosexual male, I can attest that makeup is enough—boobs sag, wrinkles happen, I've been going bald since I was 30—people are constantly in a state of decay. The only pay-to-play sexiness a woman needs comes in the form of cheap, possibly toxic chemicals sold at Walgreens, applied to her face in strategic brushes of cheap tools. Most people in the “beauty industry” have no idea what they're doing, and 90% of people who get plastic surgery are overspending on something you could be providing them for a fraction of the cost (while still making a grip).
Compared to most models/actresses/whatever, strippers are capable of transformations from “average girl from the trailer park” to “runway fashion model” in under ten minutes, using dollar store makeup, applied in the parking lot before work, after several dabs and a BuzzBall. The profit margin on this skill is insane. You can rake in a few hundred bucks for what might cost you ten dollars in supplies and an hour of time. The same cannot be said for the failed real estate agent who opened a beauty salon because she was inspired by a TikTok video, nor the “just add plastic” cryo-whatever salon that turns women into melty cyborg people. Makeup and beauty is a lost art, and you can make a fuckton of money by monetizing the skills you've learned in the dressing room mirror.
Strip Club Ownership/Management
Okay, this one is technically not too far off from dancing, but hear me out—I've worked for dozens of club owners, from good ones to garbage ones, and the absolute best owner I ever worked for was a former dancer (Golden Dragon around 2015, shout-out to Laurie). This logic applies to any industry—the best nightclub owner I ever worked for was a former DJ, the best politicians are former prostitutes, and so on. Former dancers understand aspects of the strip club life that non-dancers, dudes, entrepreneurs, and bikers named “Rick” (an oddly large demographic of club owners fall into this category) do not. An important note: I do not mean “former, but trying to be current again” dancers trying to sabotage the stage by showing off their old-enough-for-discount-coffee-at-McDonald's body on busy nights, thus clearing out the entire club (IYKYK, Salem peeps). Former dancers, who are 100% done with their time on stage, make excellent club owners and/or managers.
Again, in my limited experience, male owners are hit or miss, but it's usually hard to predict which way it will go. If you're a dancer, think of the best and worst male managers or club owners you've worked with. Chances are, you didn't see a lot of them coming, as in, the super nice, chill, relaxed new manager gets eaten alive by the seasoned dancers, while the dorky, uncool manager finds a way to turn the club into a goldmine. Then, you've got all the bad (but unfortunately accurate) stereotypes, from the cocaine-and-underage-girlfriend guy to the former military boot camp dad, and every horrible option in between. And no, not every former dancer makes a good manager or owner. But the best manager and owner I've worked for has been a former dancer. So take this info for what it's worth, but chances are you already have a four-year business degree in small-venue management if you've spent enough time in the strip club world.
I'm not telling any dancers to stop stripping. In fact, when I open the Cocoon Room, I'm only hiring the elderly to strip. But, for the time being, whether or not you plan on remaining a dancer until your tits touch your toes, you may as well make use of the skills you've learned over the years. After all, A.I. strippers are apparently a thing now, but I've yet to see a robot do hair.
DJHazMatt.com / @RainmanMcMillin on IG / I don't check Facebook.
