Top 5: Things That Fuck Up My Karma

Recently, I have been attempting to practice Buddhism and I have simplified that practice into a simple mantra: do no harm. The problem with that, is there are just so many things in life that make me want to punch something cute. I am going through a period a person might refer to as "karmic retribution." So, I figure, it’s incredibly important that I don’t react to these situations. Instead of getting into a fistfight with a random stranger, I thought I’d get personal and write another fuckin’ list.

You know when you catch an afternoon dinner, day-drinking blackout session or a movie and there are like three other people at the spot? And, then, out of nowhere, this couple walks in and starts walking your fucking direction? At first, you think it’s going to be okay. The hole between you and the other people provides plenty of space for them to settle in comfortably apart from you. Still, they approach, until, eventually, they sit right motherfucking next to you. I know that it’s entirely possible this doesn’t make you want to physically assault someone when it happens to you. When it happens to me, however, I find it...emotionally problematic. I get the urge to look them right in their smug fucking faces and tell them to fuck right the fuck off a cliff. Furthermore, if they refuse to acquiesce to my request, I’ll knock their fuckin’ teeth down their fucking throat. You can, of course, see how this is problematic, when you are trying to go through life doing no harm.

See how I didn’t say "mankind" there? I’m learning. We all have a right to live, right? We need food, shelter, clean water, air and a few luxuries here and there. Overall, there are plenty of resources to provide all this—and more—to every human on this planet. Why, then, do we not all share in this bounty and continue to struggle, through a senseless and soul-crushing experience? Well, I’ll tell you! It’s because a couple of families created a financial structure—based on debt—that they control through a handful of corporations, which own basically, well...everything. They extend their control through every major institution that you and I are forced to interact with every day. They have assigned to our labor an arbitrary value based on that FIAT currency, essentially making us slaves. That sucks, man, and it really makes me want to burn everything to the fucking ground. You know what I mean? Like, it really harshes my mellow, man.

I fucking hate it when I’m standing in line at Plaid Pantry or 7-11 and the person in front of me just won’t fucking stop with the lottery shit. I’m standing there, holding bottled fucking water that I carefully selected because of its reported pH level, just minding my own business, standing at a respectful distance, for what seems like an eternity. The whole fucking time, inside my head, I’m choking the life out of this person. I cannot under-emphasize how many times where I started remembering what prison was like and considering if it’s worth it or not. Maybe it’s just me...who knows? It’s certainly in these trying times that I have to remember...do no harm.

I know, it sounds nutty, but, really, all you have to to do to convince yourself I’m giving you the straight dope, is a Google search for Nikola Tesla. Remember those families I mentioned earlier? They are super into maintaining the petrodollar for the past several years, since moving away from the gold standard and have manipulated the global petrodollar to be traded in U.S. currency. This is the reason money dollars have value. They wouldn’t be able to maintain control of the masses, if the means of producing energy weren’t tightly controlled—both in terms of price and production. If free, clean energy were given to humanity all at once, it would basically fix, like, every problem humanity has. This would simultaneously sever our addiction to energy based on burning dead shit that requires us to manually work to produce goods, while sustaining our lives comfortably. The thing is, as far as I can tell, we have had this technology since Nikola Tesla. When I think of that, I wonder why we aren’t marching with pitchforks to get our motherfucking energy devices. The strangest thing about it is, when you tell someone this (and, show them proof of it), the magnitude of it seems to escape them. Well, it doesn’t fucking escape me and it makes me fucking furious! Gotta maintain my zen though, like a monk under a tree.

I can’t take anymore serious shit today. I’m going to have a fucking heart attack. So, I’ll end this list with one that doesn’t make me want to murder people but, rather, property. I just can’t fucking stand it when you absolutely have to be in a certain place for one stupid fucking reason or another and the one fucking parking spot that you could use is impossible, because some complete fucking douche canoe parked his car like it had rubber baby bumpers. I want to bash that motherfucking car with a bat, until my hands hurt and I can’t grip it anymore from pain and sweat. Still, even though a car isn’t alive, the asshole who owns it is and that piece of shit has feelings. So, as a Buddhist, I have to be peaceful and not harm that pile of human refuse by destroying their property (which is probably a Corvette, one of those new Chargers or a Hummer H2). So, remember folks, Namaste, turn the cheek and so on and so forth. Stop the wheel of karma from crushing your life into bits. Or, don’t, because...free will.