Erotic City

Fuck Teachers, Get Money

School is in session, ladies and gents! I both loathe and love this time of year. On the upside, the bratty kids from my ghetto-ass apartment complex are back in school, so I can sleep in without having to hear them scream and yell all day. On the downside, school zone speed limits are also back in session, which means I gotta start driving sober again. However, this is a magazine that deals with adults—particularly, those who enjoy making money while naked. So, every year, I have to repeat the same thing: stripping is an excellent alternative to (and, a possible source of income to pay for) college. You won’t learn anything at Portland State University that you can’t pick up at Lucky Devil. Private dance? That’s two credit hours in Psychology and Gender Studies. Turning in your ones? Four credit hours of Economics, Mathematics and Accounting. Spinning around a pole while drunk on vodka? Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Nutrition... eight full credit hours. Paying off your own college education with two-dollar bills? Priceless. So, that puts to rest the "do something with your life" demands that your wage-slave friends and family may make. Are you being objectified, as a dancer? No more than anyone in a suit and tie. Is stripping gross or dirty? No more than working in a kitchen. Should you feel ashamed for expressing your sexuality, while making a buck? Only if you’re running a Catholic church. Dear strippers: it’s your life, it costs money and you’re not gonna buy a house working at Starbucks. Keep doing you.

Oh, before I forget, make sure you check out DJ Dick Hennessy’s 6th Annual Best Breasts Of The West, going down all month long (peep the calendar at the end of this column for dates)—you can earn cash and prizes, just for having an amazing rack! If that’s not your thing, follow the Vaginamobile to Scarlet Lounge on Friday, September 28th for a prohibition- themed, two-year anniversary party...cash and prizes are available there, too. Boy, does Dick know how to keep our naked ladies paid! However, Dick’s not the only guy in town raising money for naked entertainers— Mike Brass, of Mike Brass’s The Main Attraction, will be providing a chance for cash and breast augmentation, in the form of The Great American Strip Off. The contest runs every Wednesday, from September 12th, through November 7th. Peep this month’s ad for more information.

Congratulations To Maze, Ink ‘n’ Pink 2018 Champion

Man, does this lady know how to win contests! Maze (as seen on the cover of this issue, as well as in the centerfold spread), repping The Twisted Sisters, has earned her second title. In December of 2016, Maze was crowned Miss Exotic Oregon 2017 and this month, she’s showing off her Ink ‘n’ Pink championship. Even better, this may be the first year that I have heard absolutely zero accusations of insider vote-rigging, bias on behalf of a venue, shady judges or anything of the sort. Why? Because Maze won by a goddamned landslide, with undeniable stage presence. From head to toe, every outfit that Maze used was unique. Each set, Maze took full advantage of the stage and the theme. And, throughout the entire contest, Maze remained humble, professional and drama-free. Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you get shit done. Props to Maze for winning Ink ‘n’ Pink, with an equal amount of props to everyone who competed—Portland is taking our "most strip clubs" motto to the "best fucking strippers on the planet" level, thanks to consistently evolving talent, always raising the bar. Now, let’s see if our city officials can follow suit...

Slutwalk Gets Snubbed By City

This year, Portland’s Slutwalk organizers have encountered a whole pile of bullshit from the city—from high fees, to having their requests for assistance ignored entirely. I reached out to event organizer and all-around-in-the-know Portlander, Elle Stanger, for comment:

"Portland Police Bureau (PPB) refused to offer a rolling escort, as they have in years prior; this is when motorcycle cops escort marchers through our walking route, so that cars don’t hit us, or so that we don’t disrupt traffic. We have paid for our permits and met all deadlines, but our police liaison is stating, ‘In years prior, (the) event had low attendance’ and this doesn’t warrant protection for a march. After paying over $1,000 in permit fees and insurance, we are told—two weeks before the event—that our typical walking route is being revoked and that we can walk on the sidewalk downtown, as we march

To the first point, our lowest turnout year since I co-organized this event, was approximately 150 people (this was in 2014) and our maximum attendance was close to 300, last year. This year, we have 800 folks RSVP’d, and even if half attend, it’s more than what we were originally told by PPB was our minimum amount required for a rolling escort (250).

I don’t believe that PPB has their priorities straight, when they can contract Oregon State Police to get in SWAT gear and shoot at anti-fascists in order to protect white nationalists Patriot Prayer—like what I watched happen on the downtown September 4th "Unite The Right" protest—but, they currently can’t find eight motorcycle officers to escort a group of locals in a yearly peaceful protest against sexual assault.

Sgt. Brett Burnam is not returning my calls. I asked why we are not allowed a police escort, even though fundamentalist extremist Christian protesters have attended each year, to picket from the side and to scream slurs at us—and, one of the folks associated with these kooks, was Jeremy Christian— the guy who stabbed three people on the MAX train last year. Also, we know that some men have a history of driving cars into groups of women, so I’m not sure how they can justify the lack of police presence."

In addition to what Elle has noted above, additional reports that the city actually had the guts to ask Slutwalk organizers what they would be wearing are coming in. This is painfully ironic, in context—Slutwalk was started in response to a Toronto police officer claiming that women wouldn’t be raped, if they didn’t dress in revealing clothing. So, for our city to imply that attire and sexual assault are causally correlated, is beyond reprehensible. Slutwalk is about consent (which the organizers are trying to obtain from the city), protection of one’s own body (which PPB is refusing to recognize as a tax-paying entity, worthy of police protection) and free expression of sexuality (billed at over $1,000 in fees and insurance—more than a dollar per attendee).

Now, to those who may not align on the same ends of the political spectrum as myself and Elle, I’m going to be brutally honest—this affects you, too. Slutwalk is, in theory, apolitical. So, it’s worth noting, that this isn’t an issue of left versus right, traditionalism versus liberalism or anything like that. Rather, this has to do with the city having violently different standards for two activist groups—one of which is attempting a peaceful demonstration and being told to stay on the sidewalk, while the other is being given a police escort. Even if you side with a conservative or right-wing viewpoint, free assembly affects us all. In fact, members of opposing viewpoints should be the most concerned with the way Portland is addressing Slutwalk. Alex Jones getting banned from Facebook upset a lot of his opponents, on the basis that speech restrictions for one, may lead to speech restrictions for another.

Thus, I encourage any of our less-than-liberal readers to wake up and pay attention here. If you’re on the left, congratulations—you probably don’t need any convincing to see that "progressive" Portland needs some new management. But, if you’re on the right, not a fan of feminist politics, not a fan of Slutwalk and/or not a fan of peaceful demonstrations against violence, consider that, in a few years, it could be your group who the police are turning their back on. The pendulum swings, as today’s heroes become tomorrow’s villains. Slutwalk may be something you question for whatever reason, but the fact of the matter is "free speech" applies here, too. I’m only including this paragraph because, well, folks on the "other side" need to hear this. And, I put "other side" in quotes, because women (and men) of all political affiliations are targeted for sexual violence. A Trump supporter is just as likely to be raped as a Bernie fan.

Slutwalk 2018 takes place on Sunday, September 9th at 3pm, at Park Avenue and SW Salmon Street in downtown Portland, Oregon. Please do not attend if you plan on harassing, intimidating or otherwise interrupting this peaceful demonstration against sexual assault. Slutwalk is not the naked bike ride, nor is it a redneck prayer meeting to get rid of immigrants—if you give two fucks about the sex industry, dancers or the person you’re sleeping with, you should have no problem supporting this event, especially considering the fact that Portland is not the deep south. We’re better than "...what was she wearing?"

Shock Opera Goes Live!

We covered Shock Opera: The Authorized Alice Cooper Story a few issues back, but this fantastic project is finally ready for Portland audiences! First weekend of September, at The Paris Theater in Portland, Oregon, catch some of your favorite strippers, local celebrities and creative hooligans, live on stage, to depict the story of Alice Cooper. As noted previously, this project began as a seed and has grown into something far bigger than An Unauthorized Tribute To This Thing We Like, which is why I’m giving it a plug here. Support your local actually-doing-shit community and catch this fantastic production while it’s in town.

So, You Think You Can Sinferno?

A little birdie has let me know that Sinferno, the ultimate "not technically a strip club, so we can bring the whole crew" destination, is opening the door to new talent. Are you a go-go or feature-style entertainer? Do you want to show off your stuff, downtown Portland, mere inches away from the heart of the city, warm pizza and sugary donuts? Have you ever had the chance to say, "I killed it on a Sunday" and actually mean it? Well, this is your opportunity. Sinferno is seeking go-go dancers, to shake their stuff, on elevated platforms above enthusiastic crowds. Show up, in person, any Sunday night at Dante’s, located downtown on the corner of SW 3rd and Burnside to audition.

Nevada Brothel Introduces Interactive Sex Tape Technology

Now, here is a press release that I don’t mind sharing:

"A legal brothel near Las Vegas, Nevada, will soon offer a unique erotic video experience where customers can collaborate with licensed sex workers, to create their very own sex tapes. The new Sex Tape Room at Sheri’s Ranch is a state-of-the-art automated production studio where clients and sex workers use voice-operated smart home technology to create multi-angle pornographic videos that the customer then owns and takes home.

The room is equipped with four cameras capable of achieving a variety of angles, including a top angle ceiling camera, all linked to an Amazon Echo device activated by voice commands given to the Alexa virtual assistant. A computer randomly chooses what camera angles to use so that a fully-edited finished video, in the form of a media file on an SD card, is available shortly after the steamy session concludes.

The Sex Tape Room at Sheri’s Ranch opens on September 1st, 2018."

Technology is fantastic. First Bitcoin, then sex robots...now, you can film your own sex tape without a shitty webcam? Sign me the fuck up. Nevada is a day-long drive from Portland— if you don’t stop for ice cream in Rice Hill—so, I’m putting out a bounty here, open to all of our readers: if you make the trek to Sheri’s Ranch and film a sex tape, we will get you an interview, a feature and possibly some viewers, right here in Exotic. Bonus points, if it’s set to a dinosaur theme.