The Monthly Column: Skipping School Around The Globe

It’s school time once again, and while most students are dutiful—attending to their studies with the requisite diligence—this can’t be hoped for from everyone. Yes, truancy is as popular now as it ever has been, with the infinite amount of distractions that any reasonable student would prefer to spend their time on. What do they do, though? Well, through hard work and research, I’ve compiled a list of activities that kids around the globe enjoy while playing hooky, in alphabetical order.

Afghanistan—Ditching school to fly kites is a popular activity, at the risk of possibly catching the eye of someone keen on "bacha bazi." [1]

Argentina—In Buenos Aires, kids frequently get real-life lessons, which they cannot learn in class, as they dodge the literal tons of dogshit on the city’s sidewalks, while they go buy Italian sunglasses. Landmines everywhere, folks.

Australia—Youngsters often skip school to go play games of "let’s drink lots of goon [2] and throw horrible spiders at people," though this is a popular adult activity, as well.

Bahamas—The youth on New Providence Island are well-known for rebuking the crown and engaging in acts of high-seas piracy, the rascals.

Bahrain—Students here are just glad they can skip school again safely, now that Michael Jackson’s gone.

Barbados—It’s always about the unsanctioned limbo contests with these kids.

Belgium—Grabbing your little white dog and becoming incidentally embroiled in international espionage seems to be a popular activity for a youthful Belgian.

Brazil—Playing illegally copied Nintendo games will never stop being a pastime in Brazil.

Cambodia—Kids love to take a mini-holiday from school whenever they can, which is not often, due to strict schoolmasters. It’s tough, kid, but it’s life.

Cameroon—Avoiding getting picked on by neighboring Chad, who yells that they’re "virgins" who need to "get on Chad levels."

Canada—Sneaking a sack full of live beavers into a lumber store is a time-tested tradition amongst truant Canadian youth.

Chad—Picking on the virgin Cameroonians and flexing.

China—Chinese students often take naps in the suicide nets hanging from surrounding manufacturing buildings when they dodge their studies.

Colombia—You thought I was gonna say something about cocaine, didn’t you? No way, I’m just gonna get on the rails here and blow by this one.

Congo—If what I’m to understand is true, children in Congo spend much of their selfmade free time fighting giant, murderous apes in ancient ruins.

Cuba—Why would you skip glorious peoples’ school, comrade?

Cyprus—Cutting class to go get Turkish food...or, Greek food, but never both at once.

Czech Republic—Many children participate in activism in the Czech Republic, and the most popular cause for students to embrace is the addition of more beers to the school lunch menu.

Denmark—Legos for days, friends. Legos. For. Days.

East Timor—With East Timor being roughly the size of my bathroom, East Timorean kids can’t really skip school without being clearly visible just outside the windows.

Egypt—Making fake sarcophagus juice to sell to tourists is an activity out of vogue since the early 1900s, but this pastime has found renewed appreciation amongst Egyptian youth of late, due to a surge of interest.

Finland—It is a common pastime to get naked with friends in 200-degree saunas and whip each other with wires and branches. If you think this is in any way fictional, look it up.

France—French kids will often avoid classes to go eat cheese and drink wine, even if their classes are about eating cheese and drinking wine.

Germany—Sneaking into peoples’ homes and correcting improperly hung paintings is a popular activity with the young.

Greece—Students often find relief from their studies by sneaking off to a quiet place to eat ridiculous amounts of raw feta cheese and do butt stuff.

Grenada—Something to do with nutmeg? I don’t know.

Haiti—Voodoo. Always voodoo. You got a problem? Take it up with Papa Legba!

Iceland—Adventurous students are known to ditch school and look for Bjork’s Lost Gold—a treasure, which has claimed the lives of dozens who have sought after it.

India—Finding the proper implements to defend against toilet witches is the most popular activity when dodging your Java programming classes.

Iran—Skipping school to go throw rocks at adulterers, while technically illegal, is often tacitly ignored by authority figures.

Ireland—Research was dubious, but points to something freaky and probably Catholic.

Italy—Rowdy Italian youths will often cut class to engage in traditional activities, like eating tagliatelle out of an Armani loafer or trying to start a new fascist regime.

Jamaica—With everything being so laid back in Jamaica, the youth often rebel by sneaking out of class to participate in highstress, speed chess matches.

Japan—In Japan, school is 24 hours a day, so you must sneak out to go home and sleep. Body doubles are often employed to facilitate this, for modest sums of money.

Kenya—Running. Also, more running. Run!

Korea, North—You can starve in school just the same as out of it, you young whipper- snappers. Now, don’t make me get the state-approved snapper-whipper.

Korea, South—Anime and Starcraft used to be the go-to activities for the longest time, but they said "fuck it" and just made schools for those things—so, now nobody skips.

Latvia—Avoiding the all-seeing eyes of Doctor Doom...also, air hockey.

Madagascar—If it’s not giant cockroach races, then I don’t even know why the kids there even bother skipping school at all. Seriously, have you seen a Madagascar cockroach? Damn.

Malta—Falconry.

Mexico—Engaging in friendly competitions with the U.S., over who can develop the least-healthy but most-satisfying snack foods.

Mongolia—Throat singing the praises of the Khan and practicing horseback archery.

Nepal—Sadly, if they catch you skipping school in Nepal, they put you on "yeti watch."

Netherlands—Tricking drunken English tourists into falling into the unfenced canals which ring the interior of Amsterdam is a popular activity, and yes, English tourists are indeed drunk during school hours when they’re on vacation.

New Zealand—It’s all about spray-painting sheep, brother.

Niger—Explaining to visitors that they’re not in Nigeria.

Nigeria—Explaining to visitors that they are in Nigeria.

Norway—Getting together with your friends for some reindeer meat, followed by a ribald church-burning or two sets the tone for truancy in Norway.

Oman—Oh, man. They get into some shiiiiiit.

Pakistan—They will skip school, work, playing video games, having sex or nearly anything, to watch or play cricket, for some baffling reason.

Papua New Guinea—Ducking out for street food is a common pastime, but watch out for kuru [3] .

Peru—Sacrificing good friends to the Sun God, sublime Apu-Punchau, in the name of the Inca.

Philippines—Butterfly knife fights are popular among young and old, alike.

Poland—Building complex models of submersibles, complete with intricately-detailed screen doors.

Qatar—Joining the celebration of being the only independent nation starting with a "Q," an ongoing tradition since 1971 and featuring periodic appearances by uno- cial mascot, actor John de Lancie.

Romania—Extra-scholastic activities often include learning to fight vampires and teaching monkeys to pick pockets.

Russian Federation—Consuming soft drinks, like beer (which is considered a soft drink in Russia) and making provocative Internet memes are the top-drawer pastimes.

Samoa—Somehow still eating half their body weight, after ditching out of school following lunch.

Saudi Arabia—Sneaking to the city square to watch the day’s beheadings. If you catch someone’s dome, they give you a coupon for a free lunch!

Serbia—Removing kebab.

Singapore—Hitting the wharf, and locating a one-eyed little person to throw dice with, has been a consistently popular activity, and shall be, so long as the whole town’s made of iron ore. Heave away, boys. Heave away.

Slovenia—"Tanzen Mit Laibach" remains popular

among the youth, fifteen years later. South Africa—Listening to Die Antwoord and antagonizing farmers are the two most popular activities in South Africa for the hooky-player.

Spain—The youth are more mature than in many countries, and somberly muse about what the hell the deal is with the Basque. Sweden—There are few truant students in Sweden, for if you’re caught, you must toil in the IKEA quarry, mining cheap fiberboard for export.

Switzerland—Swiss students only skip school when there’s a clock that requires assembling or repairs. It physically pains the Swiss to let such things go undone, and often, doctors will provide notes for students who succumb to chronomania.

Tanzania—Spreading social media information, correcting the misconception that Tanzania is, in fact, home to a creature called the "Tanzanian Devil."

Thailand—The youth, as is the case most anywhere, can often be found in their city’s biggest sex-a-torium.

Turkey—Moustache-growing contests and foosball—sometimes, both at once. Uganda—They will skip school to do independent research, as you cannot learn "de wae" in a classroom.

United Kingdom—Oi, mate! Where’s your truant’s license?!

United States—Kids in the USA are known for skipping school so much, that they become feral while playing Fortnite.

Vatican City—The youth will often buttonhole tourists for money, in exchange for "Vatican facts," and after payment, tell the poor saps that there are technically two Popes per square kilometer in Vatican City, before running off.

Venezuela—Recently, it has become a fad to make forts out of piles and piles of worthless currency.

Vietnam—Carefully digging up old landmines and throwing them at stuff is a legit pastime in ‘Nam. Mind your fingers and toes, though.

Zimbabwe—It’s a popular activity in Zimbabwe, to forcibly kick out all of your teachers, then later complain that your education is crappy.

So, there you have it, a list of the ways some of the many countries around the globe let loose when freed from the confines of the education system. I hope this has been enlightening. Study hard, kids—or, don’t.

[1] Look this up at your own peril. I’m sorry I even brought it up.

[2] Goon—cheap wine, often bought in Australia in four-liter amounts for around $10, often mixed with juice or sports drinks.

[3] Kuru—A disease you get from eating human flesh, discovered in Papua, New Guinea.