Many people envy our situation. We work with the public. We get paid to be at a place most people want to hang out—a club, a bar, a nice restaurant or even a strip club. Somewhere the public spends a lot of their expendable income. It sounds ideal. Who doesn’t want to work where the party is at? We meet hundreds of people. We are the center of everyone’s attention. We don’t need to use dating apps. We don’t even need to go out to bars on our off time to meet anyone. It’s served to us. Literally, handed on a platter. When you first start in the industry, it’s a sexual free-for-all. You fuck your co-workers, you fuck your regulars, you fuck your boss. It’s open season and most are invited. Eventually, it becomes as unappealing as the food you serve at your place of business. You could work at the fanciest, Michelin-star restaurant, and eventually, you’ll get tired of the food. If you see how the hot dogs are made, you won’t want them. Same with available sex. Take away the thrill of the hunt and the predator becomes bored.
You come into the bar. You ply yourselves with booze. You then hash out all your relationship problems—in public. I do not want to hear this crap, but the acoustics of the bar shove it right into my ear hole. You do this most times when you come in. Can you think of fewer things more uncomfortable, than hearing what should be the private problems of two people in an intimate relationship? I hear about jealousy, self-esteem problems, sex issues, control—all of it makes me cringe. It makes me never want to be in a standard or traditional relationship again. Those of us trapped in service are the forced third wheel. If you’ve ever been stuck in that sort of situation, you know how awkward it is...now, throw alcohol on top of it. I really don’t want to have a window into your bedroom and its particular issues. Because you’re making me, I can say that it looks really fucking unattractive. Why would I sign up for that? To hang my happiness on the mood or choices of another person? Why would I want to deal with someone else’s issues, when I do it full-time for work? Every night when you take your difficult, drunk partner home for the evening, I sigh with relief that it’s not me.
A lot of insecure people can’t deal with the reality that is the service industry. We are not superheroes or celebrities, but we are in our own right. All eyes are on us. The attention is focused and narrowed on our faces. We have something someone desperately wants and we are the gatekeepers. We say if you get it or not (and when). That power, and that elusive edge over others naturally makes us wanted. Sexy. Desired. When you date the gatekeeper, you will feel small. You will sit, bar-side and feel intimidated by how many names and people your sweetie knows. You will feel intimidated by the looks of the thirsty people—thirsty in every sense of the word. Your beloved is associated with an addiction. Therefore, they are addicting by psychology. It’s hard for most to watch.
Bar hours are tough. If you’re in service and with your significant other, you will have shitty hours that the average person won’t want to hang with. This means nights, weekends, working until the very early mornings. You’ll drink and eat at strange times. You’ll have insomnia. You’ll drink more than most people are comfortable with and you will probably have an unhealthy lifestyle. You won’t have a clear idea of what your cash flow will be. You will probably be a workaholic. Working in service is almost like gambling. It’s a rush. You work a shift and walk with cash in hand. A lot of it if you’re good at what you do. You have a weird comradeship with your co-workers that outsiders looking in may see as strange. All of this makes you a difficult partner to take on. No, you can’t go to that concert on Friday night. That costs you $300, if you take the night off. Going on that weekend trip means you have to go without making money those days as well as saving up for it. Double saving. Most people have sick pay. Vacation time. 401k. Health insurance. Anyone in service has none of those. Who would want that as a partner? Very fucking few, it turns out.
Too much of anything is bad. If you work in a pizza restaurant full time, the last thing you want on your day off is another pizza—even though pizza is delicious. People are the same way. I have regulars that complain that they work from home and can’t get out as much as they want. That’s why they online date and come to the bar. I have the opposite problem. I see as many people in my work week as a toll booth operator. Exaggeration, but it’s pretty close. People are gross. They smell bad. They don’t bathe or wear too much perfume—to the point that I can taste it. They spit when they talk. They fart openly, next to unsuspecting people and don’t wash their hands. They have dirty fingernails and hair. They say things that make you cringe. They treat others around them poorly and you are a unwilling witness. They squeeze a lime into their drink and throw it on the bar for you to clean. They stick a wad of gum inside their glass that you have to pick off. They throw up on the bathroom floor and leave it for the next person to discover. Sometimes, they drink too much and pee their pants. Sometimes, they get drunk and slap their boyfriends—everyone looks the other way, because a girl did it to a guy and that makes it okay somehow. People are the worst, and being around it full-time will hammer it home. When I clock out, I want to go home alone and smell my lavender Plug-In. The last thing I want to do is take one of these people home and fuck them.
Working in service, you experience a lot of things that are out of your control. You cannot control when you have to 86 someone. You cannot control when someone gets in a fight or spews their bodily fluids all over your bathroom. You cannot control a co-worker who decides to be lazy or be drunk on the job. You can’t control if you’ll be dead or slammed. You can’t control if you come in to open the bar and your owner is passed out in a booth. You can control what you come home to. You decide what your life looks like outside of work. In service, you may over-control the aspects you can. You may work out too much, have an eating disorder or be hiding a secret drug habit no one knows about. You could gamble, shop too much or have internet obsessions. The one thing. The ONE fucking thing you CAN control is being in any sort of relationship. Most of us are single and this is why.
