It’s April, which means that Oregon is about to embrace sixty-degree weather and the occasional four-to-five hours of sun. What does this mean? Naked fat guys on bikes, gingers in shorts and people swimming in near-freezing sludge. God, I love the Northwest. But, aside from the usual Vitamin D junkies coming out of the basement, we’ve got a few rounds of nudity and adult situations coming your way...
The contest you’ve all been waiting for, Polerotica, is happening now. Dates and times are located at the bottom of this column, but here’s the short story: you’ve gotta attend a qualifier round, in order to move up in the contest. Then, once you’re performing, you’re gonna need to impress the judges and audience with your pole skills. Yes, it’s important to demonstrate a good theme, stage show and all that...but, the focus of Polerotica is, of course, the pole. Practice, get your friends rallied up and then drive your ass down to one of the qualifier rounds. My man Dick Hennessy will be hosting, as well as signing contestants up, so if you run into him while he’s club hopping, be sure to grab an application and sign up in person. Dick’s full of useful information and he often has free doughnuts and/or blunts.
Oh and, yes, we’ve updated Xmag.com with a new "videos" section (thanks, Bitchute, for being cool about naked bodies). Not only are you now able to get a preview of what Polerotica (and Ink ’N’ Pink) are like, but we’ve also made sure to keep it PG-13 and share-able to your social media. Go check that out at Xmag.com/NewSite/Xmag-Videos.htm, to see if you think you can handle the competition (you can, by the way—I just have to make it sound dramatic). Last year’s winner, Oksana Romanov, is a hard act to follow, so pay close attention to the lady in yellow, holding the sword.
While we’re still a month or two away from summer festivities, it may be in your best interest to get your V.I.P. tickets for Exxxotica Expo 2019, happening June 7, 8 and 9 at the Portland Expo Center.
Attending this event will be a gigantic roster of pornstars, including Christy Canyon, Tori Black, Honey Gold, Darcie Dolce, Kendra Sunderland, Alexis Texas, Jayden Cole, Janine Lindemulder, Vicki Chase, Jillian Janson, Tyomi Morgan, Sarah Vandella, Lexi Belle, Herschel Savage, Christiana Cinn, Jill Kassidy, Evan Stone, Phoenix Marie, Katie Morgan, Tiffany Watson, Ryan Conner, Hudsy Hawn, Veronica Kirei, Mazzy Grace, Anastasia Knight, Serene Siren, Sara Jay, Lenna Lux, Joseline Kelly, RubberDoll, Harmonie Marquise, Angelina Castro, September Reign, Rome Major, SOfia Moon, Kelli Provocateur, King Noire, Karen Fisher and James Bartholet.
Damn, that’s an even bigger list than my browser history has—Exxxotica isn’t fucking around (no pun intended).
On all three days, there will be also be feature performances by RubberDoll (fetish and kink), Ashley Addison (aerialist), and our personal choice for the day, B.J. McNaughty’s Stripper Clown Performance! Speaking honestly, B.J. is one of the most underrated performers in the area, and beyond her contributions to Exotic, she’s also dedicated as fuck to her craft. Aside from the guys in the Insane Clown Posse, I have never met anyone who wears their clown paint everywhere during gig days. B.J. is not just playing up an alter ego—she’s embracing it, fully. If you’ve ever seen a hot clown at Taco Bell around 3am, it was probably B.J. McNaughty...so, meet her in person at the expo.
In addition to feature performances, there will be seminars, including The Art Of Audio Seduction (How To Create Perfect Naughty MP3s), The Mystery Box Show (True Stories All About Sex) and Breaking Into The Biz: A How-To Guide To Getting Into The Adult Industry, among others. I just shot an email to the organizers, so hopefully, there may be a seminar about DJing or writing last-minute columns about events that don’t happen until June.
Grab your V.I.P. tickets and get more information at ExxxoticaExpo.com.
As was reported by Willamette Week last month (Oregon Strippers Are Engaged in a Fierce Battle Over Whether They Should Be Contractors or Employees...), the state of the industry is still hinging on a debate that deals with whether or not strippers should be listed as employees or retain an independent contractor status.
A few years ago, I joined some industry vets (Elle, Claude, etc.) in testifying to the old guys at the State Capitol, in regards to contractor status and work conditions. Everyone in our posse was pro-independent-contractor status, but we also wanted some sort of information spread around, as to the rights that indie contractors have. This was to be in the form of an eye-catching poster that contained the phone number for a well-staffed hotline, that would answer questions such as, "I found a nail sticking out of the stage, what can I do about it?" or "The booking agent assaulted me, do I have recourse?" You know, really basic shit that shares no more government intervention than the average public pool or elevator (basic signage and nothing else).
The other side of the debate referenced by WW, is headed by an ex-stripper whose last name is actually "Bitters," which is just about right for the expected amount of Portland irony. Bitters is pushing for employee status, which is not only a bad idea for the obvious reasons (I’m not going to insult your intelligence, dancers—you know the ins and outs of the biz), but her argument, being made for the in-favor-of-employment-status side of the debate, is based on what is going down in California. Let me make something perfectly clear: California strip clubs are not Portland strip clubs. Booze means no full nudity, for one, in California. And, as far as requiring employment status from strippers, take a look at California’s budget deficit and you’ll find that the need for tax revenue has more to do with anti-independent-contractor status than it does protecting strippers. Oregon. Is. Not. California. In fact, we need less California in all sorts of areas. Do you want more artisan cupcake shops in what used to be the hood? ’Cause following Cali’s lead is how you get more artisan cupcake shops in what used to be the hood.
Back to the lecture at hand, as Elle points out in the WW piece, independent contractors have a say-so as to who they give dances to, what customers they can avoid, who they can focus on, etc. If strippers become W-2 status, say goodbye to your regulars and hello to piss tests and dancing for the broke dudes—with the same zeal you once reserved for your off-duty banker regulars. And, when the idea of unionizing is brought up, well, I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: there’s a reason Burgerville charges what they charge. As far as workplace protections go, it is a blatant lie to assert that strippers don’t have protections. If I, as a customer, slip and fall in a Walgreen’s, I’m covered. On the same token, if a stripper pole breaks and sends Destiny flying into the wall, it’s not like she is told "You asked for it, you’re an independent contractor." She can sue the club into the ground. The idea that non-employees are some sort of anemic breed of accident prone children is fucking stupid. So, that’s why myself, Elle and others supported (and, continue to support) the idea of providing information and resources to dancers.
However, according to WW, the reason that hotline didn’t work, was due to it being poorly staffed (if at all). Reports have been made, testifying to the fact that no one picked up the hotline when it was dialed, which sort of defeats the purpose of having said line. Why was this the case? Well, the sole employee assigned to run it was, you guessed it, Mrs. Bitters—the same lady who is pushing for employee status (and has nothing to lose, as she is no longer dancing).
I’m just gonna go ahead and say this right now: if you’re no longer in our industry, get the fuck out and stay out, please and thank you. We don’t want to be employees—we simply want to have a number to call when we start bleeding.
THU 4—CLUB SINROCK—POLEROTICA QUALIFIER ROUND 1
THU 4—LUCKY DEVIL LOUNGE—BIRDIE’S B-DAY PARTY
FRI 12—ROSE CITY STRIP—THOR & LEATHURBITCH (LIVE MUSIC)
SAT 13—DREAM ON SALOON—SCHOOLGIRL PARTY
SAT 13—THE VENUE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB—POLEROTICA QUALIFIER ROUND 2
WED 17 & THU 18—THE FIREHOUSE CABARET (SALEM)—INTERNATIONAL FEATURE PERFORMER JANINE JERICHO
FRI 19 & SAT 20—GUILTY PLEASURES GENTLEMEN’S CLUB—ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY PARTY
FRI 19 & SAT 20—THE SUNSET STRIP—INTERNATIONAL FEATURE PERFORMER JANINE JERICHO
SAT 20—CLUB 205—AMATEUR CONTEST
SAT 20—KIT KAT CLUB—THE CATNIP CABARET (CANNABIS-THEMED FEATURE SETS)
SAT 20—CABARET—3RD ANNUAL PURPLE RAIN PARTY
SAT 20—STARS SALEM—POLEROTICA QUALIFIER ROUND 3
SAT 20—XPOSE—GOING BANANAS 4/20 PARTY
THU 25—KIT KAT CLUB—POLEROTICA QUALIFIER ROUND 4
FRI 26—EYE CANDY FASHIONS—GRAND OPENING PARTY (NEW LOCATION)
FRI 26—THE WHISKEY CLUB—LEATHER & LACE PARTY
FRI 26—TOMMY’S TOO—DAISY DUKE CONTEST
