Forget Coachella. Don’t worry about cashing in those Fyre Fest vouchers. Pretend that Warped Tour isn’t doing a "reunion show" without even taking a year off. There is no reason to waste thousands of dollars on plane tickets and MDMA this summer, because all the entertainment is right here, in our own backyard.
For their first year in Portland, the Exxxotica Expo is presenting their "Let’s Talk About Sex" theme with several dozen well-known, super-famous and downright awesome adult entertainers, industry celebrities and other people who we all love and respect. Plus, I’ll be there. Come see myself (Sunday), B.J. McNaughty (all days) and the Exotic booth (all days), if you want to support local talent. But, as far as the national names go? Holy shit, they have an amazing lineup! We’re not talking a "the lady who played the naked girl from Friday The 13th Part MCXII" slew of comic-con-level nobodies—how about Kendra Sunderland, Katie Morgan, TONE MOTHERFUCKING LOC, Masuimi Max, Stormy Daniels, Janine Lindemulder and, like, a billion other huge names that rarely visit Oregon You should be there—end of story. Exxxotica is bringing half of my browser history to Portland, with an extremely low price tag for an expo. Plus, ladies get in free on Friday. Support things that you want to see return to our town.
Now, let’s say that you’re a liar (or, you’re a just a poor planner) and you "can’t make it" to the event. Well, several local clubs will be hosting official Exxxotica after party events, with celebrity cameos galore. On Friday, June 7, swing by Stars Bridgeport for a visit with Kenzie Taylor and Vicki Chase or head out to Guilty Pleasures to hang out with Miss Exotic Oregon 2018 and 2019, Annie and Taeya. Saturday, June 8, Darcie Dolce will be at Kit Kat Club, with Katie Morgan taking over Stars Bridgeport and fetish model Rubber Doll at Guilty Pleasures. Plus, all weekend long, Kit Kat Club, Spyce and X Ultra Lounge will be hosting after party events, that will allow Exxxotica ticket-holders to skip the cover charge.
For the full lineup and schedule, visit ExxxoticaExpo.com.
To put things in perspective, there are strip clubs, pastry shops, pizza bars and book stores in Portland that haven’t been able to stay open for ten years. As far as contests, even some of the most iconic stripper pageants in Portland have been re-branded, re-located or re-named several times over the course of any given decade—and, this isn’t a bad thing, but it does speak to the power of putting the words "vagina pageant" on a flyer, let alone a car. It’s a hard label to drop. And, I’m sure it goes two ways—Dick Hennessy will never be known as "that guy who puts out mixtapes," even though his mixtapes are dope. In ten years, when he finally decides to settle down and apply at Day Job Career, Inc., the Google results are going to be an interesting discussion to have with his future employer. Hit me up for a reference if you need one, by the way.
Something I really like about DJ Dick Hennessy is that he hasn’t changed his style (he’s upgraded it, but he’s been the same dude) for years. If you have something that works, why fix it? Starbucks doesn’t make money because they’re beyond innovative, McDonald’s doesn’t challenge the status quo and Nike has yet to release their version of Uggs (I hope, at least). Rather, these corporations have dominated the globe, because of consistency and reliability. Year after year, the Vagina Beauty Pageant continues to show fan service to its supporters, instead of re-casting the lead role or inserting a bunch of fashionable politics. It’s basically the Fast And The Furious franchise, but with vagina cars, instead of just cars.
Another thing I enjoy about the Vagina Beauty Pageant contests is the fact that the voting is clearly a democratic process. How do I know this? Well, for one, it took Mary Jane (also known as "Mary Gina") several years to win the title, even though she’s one of Dick’s right-hand ladies (and, well, she has a very beautiful vagina). Secondly, the diversity of both the contests and the clubs they represent really draw a suspicious eye to other publications in Portland, who claim to run diverse contests, but the same dozen white hipsters win, year after year. Dick, on the other hand, would easily allow the title to go to his worst enemy, a complete stranger or even someone with non-traditional gender identity—as long as they have a beautiful vagina, that was voted on by a panel of experts.
You know, the more I think about it, the more I wonder why our political system isn’t run by DJ Dick Hennessy. Imagine how much effort the guy would put into a mayoral campaign—I’m dead serious. After all, Ted Wheeler isn’t exactly a man of solutions. Homelessness problem? Bike lanes. Drug addiction? Bike lanes. Protesters battling in the streets? Two more bike lanes. Gentrification? Turn that barber shop into a bike shop. Sooner or later, Portland will have more bike lanes than we will black people, but Ted Wheeler will fix the problem by inviting strong woman of color, Oprah Winfrey, to give out bike lanes. You get a bike lane and you get a bike lane! EVERYONE GETS A BIKE LANE!!!
Sorry, went on a tangent there.
Back to the lecture at hand, a political system run with the simplicity, consistency and appreciation for life and beauty would be better than one in which we just paint green boxes around the problems that Portland faces. For one, Dick has enough free Voodoo Doughnuts to feed half of the homeless population. Further, the neon from the Vaginamobile uses far less power than the street lights we currently use—why not replace the lampposts with Vaginamobiles? Plus, the art tax would go toward some pretty cool statues, once we vote Dick into office. Look, all I’m saying is, yeah, I was supposed to use this space to plug the upcoming 10th Annual Vagina Beauty Pageant, happening next month at a variety of clubs in the greater Portland area, but I’m really focused on getting DJ Dick Hennessy elected as mayor of Portland. You know what bitter rivals Antifa and Proud Boys can both agree on? Vaginas are beautiful. Republicans and left-wing feminists? Knit some pink and red pussy hats and let’s make Portland beautiful again. Refugees and nationalists? Vagina beauty sees no borders. Seriously, vote Dick Hennessy 2020. It even rhymes.
More info on Vagina Beauty Pageant can be found at a href="http://www.vaginapageant.com" target="blank">VaginaPageant.com.
If you haven’t already done so, head on over to WWeek.com and cast your Best Of Portland 2019 vote. If you need my personal endorsements, toss your votes toward DJ Pussyfoot (Best DJ), Jon Dutch (Best Local Celebrity), Star Theater (Best Music Venue), Belinda Carroll (Best Comedian), Chelsea (Best Bartender), Devils Point Stripparoke (Best Karaoke) and as far as the Best Stripper and Best Strip Club categories go, well...that’s your call.
Holy shit, can you believe that Sinferno is old enough to fuck and drink in Canada? This month, the west coast’s longest-running burlesque and variety showcase, Sinferno, is turning 19. Every Sunday night at Dante’s (even when there are concerts earlier that evening), the Sinferno performers bring the heat (literally, in some cases) to the stage. To celebrate the gig turning old enough for me to date, I caught up with a recurring entertainer and fire flow artist extraordinaire, Jade Nile, for a quick chat about the industry.
When and how did you begin performing as an adult entertainer?
I began end of April, 2014, on a cam site—for three days—before my first agent flew me to L.A. to start shooting porn. I took a hiatus from porn in January, 2016 and began stripping in July, 2017.
How have things changed, both industry-wise and personally (for you and your career or social life) since?
Nothing is the same. I went from making minimum wage, part-time, scraping by in a small town to living in a big city, looking for an adventure. I’ve been lucky enough to travel—which has always been my dream—as well as to perform around the world to find my passion with fire and flow arts. I’m very grateful for what the adult industry has done for me. I wish when I started that Snapchat, OnlyFans and the trend to sell your own content was as big as it is today. Also, tattoos are more accepted in the mainstream now, which is awesome.
What would you change about the adult entertainment industry, if anything?
More structure on helping new comers get in and get situated to sex work.
Do you have any funny, extreme or otherwise Exotic-worthy stories that you’d like to share with our readers?
One time—off camera, for fun—I jacked a guy off inside of a girl’s pussy. Like, my entire hand and his cock inside of her. That’s just the first thing that comes to mind, maybe isn’t that outrageous.
You’re both local and national, so to speak—you perform at local clubs, such as the Kit Kat, but are also known for doing business with large, national companies. What is your advice to other aspiring adult stars?
Find what you want to do and do it. Research everything. Also, feel free to DM me if you have questions about the adult industry.
Considering the changing landscape of social media and new laws, such as FOSTA/SESTA, how do you maintain a decent social media presence without red-flagging yourself or having your accounts shut down?
I focus on flow arts. Also, I take down posts quickly and try to behave as much as I can....
While we’re mostly all in agreement that laws that claim to reduce human trafficking often have the opposite effect, beyond that, what is your take on the regulations and/or freedoms within our industry, and what is your stance on the current state of sociopolitical attitudes toward sex work?
Fuck FOSTA and SESTA. We need new and better legislation—and soon. Awareness for sex workers is happening and we just have to keep strong.
Be sure to check out Sinferno, every Sunday night at Dante’s. You’ll catch acts from all over the world and even though I’m as jaded as it gets, the Sinferno acts continue to impress me, week after week. Big ups to Ivizia for tossing me into the mix for hosting duties, as well.
In national strip club news, the trend of setting up illegal, do-it-yourself strip clubs is becoming a thing. If you needed another reason to appreciate Oregon’s relaxed laws, here goes...
From Fox 5:
"Multiple weapons and marijuana were found after authorities raided an illegal strip club that was located inside a Statesville home, according to the Iredell County Sheriff’s Office."
If I learned anything living in Humboldt, it’s that when your area is referred to by county (as opposed to neighborhood, city or state), you’re going to have at least one D.I.Y. strip club garage and, yeah, there’s gonna be guns and pot. Get over it.
"Yates Jr. tells Fox 46 Charlotte what happened in his garage was not a strip club, but is a man cave. He admits that women friends did come over and use the stripper pole, but only as a form of exercise. He says he never made money off the women."
So, how is this any different than a yoga studio or crossfit class—especially if he’s not making any money from it? Women are allowed to exercise in the comfort of anyone’s garage, aren’t they??? And if it is a club, who died and made the local cops booking agents?
"Law enforcement officers seized spirituous liquor, malt beverages and marijuana. Multiple weapons were also present in the club, they said."
Ahem, they found a couple 40-ouncers and a pistol. I smell racism.
"Anonymous complaints from the community sparked ALE’s initial investigation into the location."
Translation: Ms. Former Yates Jr. got jelly and called the pigs.
"’These locations attract individuals who buy and sell illegal controlled substances, weapons and violence, which puts a strain on local law enforcement services. This is part of ALE’s Community Betterment initiative, which partners with local law enforcement to help shut down these types of locations and improve the quality of life within a community,’ Special Agent In Charge Meredith Shoaf said."
We have, what, six-thousand strip clubs in Portland? Most of them serve "spiritous liquor" and have a pole. Do we need to up the police force? Or, should we just count our blessings? Folks, this is the future that libertarians want, and I’m all for it. And, yes, this is coming from a guy who can name at least a dozen after-hours spots that mirror the exact environment described in this story. Be glad we live in Oregon. Sure, "liberal" can be annoying when it comes to fighting with people on Facebook, but goddamn, we have naked bodies, booze and marijuana on the same block.
SAT 1—DESIRE—BIKINI BBQ & CAR WASH
SUN 2—DANTE’S—SINFERNO W/ HOST RAY MCMILLIN
FRI-SUN 7, 8 & 9—EXXXOTICA EXPO AT PORTLAND EXPO CENTER
FRI-SUN 7, 8 & 9—GUILTY PLEASURES, KIT KAT CLUB, STARS BRIDGEPORT, SPYCE, X ULTRA LOUNGE—EXXXOTICA AFTER PARTIES
SAT 8—DREAM ON SALOON—ARMED SERVICES PARTY
SUN 9—DANTE’S—SINFERNO W/ HOST JON DUTCH
SAT 15—THE VENUE—TRADER DICK’S 3RD ANNUAL TIKI PARTY
SUN 16—DANTE’S—19-YEAR ANNIVERSARY PARTY & PRIDE SINFERNO W/ HOST AARON ROSS
SUN 16—SHIMMERS—SUGAR DADDY APPRECIATION DAY
SAT 22—CLUB 205—SUMMER BEACH PARTY $500 CONTEST
SUN 23— DANTE’S—SINFERNO W/ HOST JON DUTCH
SUN 23—DEVILS POINT—7TH ANNUAL KARAOKE $666 CONTEST
MON 24—LUCKY DEVIL LOUNGE—SIREN’S BIRTHDAY PARTY
FRI 28—KIT KAT CLUB—6TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY
FRI 28—TOMMY’S TOO—DAISY DUKE CONTEST
SAT 29—SHIMMERS—BOOTY POPPIN’ CONTEST
SAT 29—XPOSE—DJ PUSSYFOOT’S SUMMER STRIP-OFF
SUN 30—DANTE’S—SINFERNO W/ HOST RAY MCMILLIN
