Shawna: So, ten years just flew by, huh?
Dick: You’re telling me! Seems like just yesterday, Vagina Beauty Pageant was just a gleam in the eye of an ambitious Boom Boom Room strip club DJ.
I heard the Vagina Mobile is getting a makeover this year. Would you like to elaborate on that?
Yeah, but I’ll have to swear you to secrecy. The Vagina Mobile is turning completely pink this year. Every year since its inception, I’ve had to upgrade the Vagina Mobile, in some form or fashion, to maintain relevancy. The rims have went from a modest 20 inches, all the way up to 26 (which required a lift kit), the lighting has went from just underneath (and one color), to a million-light spectrum (and included on the rims) and the graphics have gotten better and better—achieving perfection (thanks to you). So, the only logical move was to turn it all the way pink—bubble gum, glossy, vagina pink—as was its destiny from the beginning.
Is it true, that they’re actually letting you park the "Mobile" at your place now?
Yes. Speaking of destiny, I’ve finally completed my pilgrimage to the Legendary Stripper Apartments in Portland. As such, I have certain liberties, like being able to openly park the Vagina Mobile all year long, without repercussions. This is great, because I can drive it around for the entire year (as opposed to only two months). This is especially beneficial, as I wanna make sure that my sponsors get visibility and their money’s worth
Does driving the Vagina Mobile around for the entire year cause any additional problems?
What’s the saying...more vagina, more problems? I’ve certainly noticed an increase of Vagina Mobile- related drama and incidents this last year. For starters, my car was horrifically keyed outside of C Bar by some frat boy lookalikes, a meth head stole one (and a half) of my custom "VVVV" license plates, I’ve had two windows broken out and it’s been hit by four cars in the past 12 months. But, by far, the most creative thing that happened is when someone put insane hot sauce on my door handle, at night, downtown —I didn’t see it and inadvertently scratched my nose, after I got in my car. I ended up looking like Rudolph for the rest of the night.
Is it true that DJ Pussyfoot is the official DJ of the 10th Annual Vagina Pageant? That seems appropriate!
Very appropriate! DJ Pussyfoot is the truth and the future, so it’s only right that he be in charge of the vibe for my beloved Pageant. In a year’s time, he’s advanced leaps and bounds and is the strip club DJ that Portland needs. Anything I can do to help motivate the local strip club DJ population—to become all they can be—I’m all for. You gotta admit, it’s a dream job to begin with, so why not celebrate it and take it as far as possible—the sky’s the limit (honorable mention goes out to Ray McMillin, Editor of Exotic, proprietor of Saucetown and strip club DJ extraordinaire).
Out of every dancer who has won the Vagina Pageant, who would you say was the most memorable (and, why)?
Honestly, I’m gonna say the last two—but, not because they’re the most recent (or because excessive tequila and marijuana have effected my short-term memory), but because Alice Wanderlust’s American Pie performance was one for the ages. It was ballsy, entertaining and nothing short of brilliant. Also, Miss Beautiful Vagina 2019, Mary Gina, had been performing her heart out for the last five years and kept getting 3rd or 2nd place, but not winning. But, instead of giving up and hating on the contest, she just went harder and took the trophy last year. I couldn’t be prouder of her tenacity, ambition and incredible work ethic—she totally deserved it. Follow-through is everything and super rare these days in Portland, especially in the adult industry.
Do you have any Vagina Pageant regrets?
Oooh...good question. My only regret is that the last ten years went by so fast—well, that and the fact Taylor (the girl with two vaginas) didn’t win the pageant.
Where do you realistically see the Vagina Beauty Pageant ten years from now? What about in 100?
I could realistically see the Vagina Pageant nationwide—or even in other countries—in ten years. Hopefully, I’ll have a Vagina Yacht and Vagina Plane by then, though. 100 years from now, in the year 2119, I’d like to think that vagina discrimination will be a thing of the past and we will be able to accept them as the spaceships and portals to the universes that they ultimately are.
Check out more info, dates and get in contact with Dick via VaginaPageant.com.
