I’m sure you think you’re a good friend and proud American, when you pull those three sweaty pocket dollars out of your unwashed jeans, before picking the lint and Jolly Ranchers off the crumpled bills and handing them to the surly, tatted-up door guy. I bet you’re just patting yourself on the back, knowing you’ve helped your mostly unemployed friends, by putting money directly in their band fund, helping them on their way to making a below-poverty-line living as a "professional" musician. You think those hard-earned dollars of yours are going straight to the talent, right?
Wrong!
You are being swindled, friend!!! Big Local Music is sucking you dry with inflated prices, NONE of which are actually going to your girlfriend’s brother’s shitty punk band (that does mostly Exploited covers, thinking no one will notice). Behold, this handy pie chart, to give you an actual idea of where your three Sour-Patch-Kids-dust-covered dollars are actually going.
$2.15 — Get ready for a shocking revelation. Most of the money you’re giving to the door guy (to give to the band) is staying right in the door guy’s pocket! Since, more often than not, the bar (*cough* venue) doesn’t really have a budget to pay a guy to watch the door (and, thus a budget to, ya know, have shows), they use door money to compensate the surly, tatted-up, ex-biker for his valuable time.
$0.65 — Whatever pittance is left of the measly door fund goes to the guy behind the soundboard, who is pretending to check levels for the shitty punk band. Again, the only actual paid staff of this so-called venue are the ones serving booze and making food. Some higher-end bars (*cough* venues) will set aside a small stipend for the person who books the shows (but, doesn’t attend them). On the other hand, the sound guy’s job of leaving the board to smoke cigarettes outside is less difficult than checking I.D., so they get a smaller cut of the door takings.
$0.10 — This is kept seriously on the down low, but the venue has gotta keep the lights on somehow. A good ten cents of those three dollars you so generously gave up is going straight into the bar owner’s pocket—to cover the "extra labor and stress" of putting on this shitty punk show. Don’t act surprised—business is business and when business is all cash, some is always going to be skimmed off the top.
$0.06 — Musicians gotta pay their dues and bar owners gotta pay theirs to the mob. Do you think this fun community rock show just happens in a vacuum? You think your younger sibling’s Strokes ripoff act can just throw their little recital at a local watering hole and not upset the delicate balance of capitalism?! You fool! I don’t mean to shatter your innocence, but the only reason the cops aren’t coming around and putting you up against the wall after planting a little bag of cocaine in your pissed jeans is because the bar owner pays his "protection" fees.
$0.04 — And, here it is, the actual amount that goes to the snot-nosed kids on stage. Only four measly cents of those three dollars is actually going to the band. Keep in mind, that little sliver of the pie is also being split amongst however many bands are playing that night! Just let that sink in, dear victim.
There you have it. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not supporting the local music scene at all! You are supporting dirty capitalism and the mob—so, rebel!!! Say you are a photographer. Say you are on the guestlist. Tell the door guy you are just going to the bathroom. Or, just scoff at such a ridiculous asking price for a night of live music and parade on through like you own the place. The only way this broken system can be fixed is if we tear it down and start over. Be a true American hero and hold on to those three sweaty pocket dollars—because, they belong to you, not the man! Your broke musician friends will thank you in no time.
And, if they interrogate you on why you weaseled your way into the show for free when they see you spending upwards of forty dollars on drinks at the bar, just tell them you are helping them in the long run, by tearing down this facade of trickle-down economics. Then tell them not to vote or pay taxes either, because elections are rigged and taxes are theft. Finally, pat yourself on the back for being awesome. You sure showed the system tonight, by not paying that door guy three hundred pennies.
