I’m sure you think you’re a good friend and proud American, when you pull those three sweaty pocket dollars out of your unwashed jeans, before picking the lint and Jolly Ranchers off the crumpled bills and handing them to the surly, tatted-up door guy. I bet you’re just patting yourself on the back, knowing you’ve helped your mostly unemployed friends, by putting money directly in their band fund, helping them on their way to making a below-poverty-line living as a "professional" musician. You think those hard-earned dollars of yours are going straight to the talent, right?
Wrong!
You are being swindled, friend!!! Big Local Music is sucking you dry with inflated prices, NONE of which are actually going to your girlfriend’s brother’s shitty punk band...
Hail Satan? (2019) reversed my erroneous misconceptions about The Satanic Temple.
The film reveals The Satanic Temple isn’t the joke news and commentary portrays. Director Penny Lane (Nuts, Our Nixon) exhibits the politicized religious organization through a lens of genuine inquiry that the mainstream media failed to encapsulate. In the beginning, the documentary paints the newly government-officiated religion as a mere gag, that started with an actor. Then, the group transforms quickly into a growing humanitarian movement. Membership went from 50 people in 2013 to around 50,000 in 2019, according to the film. The IRS granted tax-exempt status to The Satanic Temple on April 25, 2019, so dispelling its legitimacy in the future will be tough for naysayers...
In the ’80s, "Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA)" was the source of the biggest, most unfounded and ignorant witch hunt since McCarthyism. Everyone who was even remotely religious was scared that their kids would fall victim to the devil. The concept of Satanic panic, as it appears today, is no different, just swap the pentagram for a swastika and give the devil a mustache, with a funny German hat. Basically, the accusation is that anyone and everyone who leans slightly right of the far left, is clearly a white nationalist. And, this playbook comes directly from the religious right of yesteryear—passed down to the radical leftists of modern times...
They say a bartender acts as a therapist. So, I decided to make it official. My only credentials involve
listening to hundreds upon hundreds of people discuss their problems, over more years than I care to
admit. Let me wipe the bar down for you, put down a fresh coaster and pour you a drink. Pull up your
stool and tell me all about it—I’ve heard it all. If you have a question, please email
DiscountTherapist@Yahoo.com. You will remain anonymous. Remember, you get what you pay for....
It’s summer—at long last—and summer brings the craving for adventure and excitement. People grab their families, friends or court-ordered supervisors and head out to see what thrills they can find at many of America’s (or possibly Canada’s) amusement parks. The usual attractions of Disneyland, Disney World, Disney Reich and Six Flags are great and provide top-flight entertainment...but, they also cost hundreds of dollars for a day’s admission and are crowded—ensuring hours-long waits for everything but the damn teacups. There are a host of other little-known gems, which don’t have quite the mainstream appeal, but are nevertheless fine places for the discriminating individual to spend an afternoon. So, load up the car, sedate the kids and head off to some of the nation’s more obscure amusement destinations...
Last month, we talked about what was stopping you from making art. This month, we’re going to talk about what is going to happen, once you go for it. As you all have come to know over the last few years, I do a lot of shit in my life, most of which is all related to one thing that is really important to me—being independent. I can’t—for one reason or another—exist in a world where the majority of my life is spent in a prison cell, called work. I love work and I’m not allergic to it at all. But, any time I have a normal job, I get physically and mentally ill. I have to keep moving forward, to continue finding my path—where I can support myself and my family, financially, while being true to what my needs are. So, to that end, I am always doing new shit and evolving my game plan. I think everyone who feels the way I do experiences a set of circumstances that are basically universal for all people like this—a whole bunch of stuff that you thought you could count on goes to shit, and a whole lot of shit that you never planned for happens. So, if you want to be your own person and forge your own way in this world, read on, fellow dreamers and entrepreneurs...
If you live in Oregon, you’re probably used to getting high all year long. Christmas with the family?
Get high. Thanksgiving alone at an Applebee’s? Get high. Rainy day? Better stay inside and get high.
Cloudy day? Fine, let’s get high again...
As the temperature rises this summer, we’ll all be looking for ways to escape the heat. An always popular destination to waste away a long Sunday afternoon is the beach—I prefer the "clothing optional" ones, because there’s nothing like being spied on from the bushes by creepy old men, to make you feel like a million bucks. I have noticed some faux pas and poor choices on my many excursions there, so for those of you who are curious to know the ropes of fitting in on the nude beach, I present them for you here...
When I first noticed my yeast infection, I figured "no biggie." They’re pretty commonplace, not life threatening, etc. But, after striking out with an assortment of over-the-counter cures, I ended up in the stirrups at my gyno’s office. These professionals specialize in maintaining their demeanor in front of a patient, so when I glanced over my bush and saw the look on her face, I got concerned—that, plus right afterward when she stepped aside and puked in a trash can. Uh oh...
Every bar has one of these and they’re especially common at strip clubs. No, I am not talking about someone on payroll (or contractor status) who is just lazy or a shitty worker. Rather, I mean the opposite—someone who is in no way employed or contracted by the bar, but who acts as if they run the place, because they’ve been hanging around longer than anyone else (or, they just act like it)...
As a self-described scene critic, it is my job to make extremely lazy and over-generalized observations of the music community, based on nothing more than deep-seated prejudices. Which makes me no different than any other critic, ever—especially when it comes to music. Regardless, you are lying if you claim to go to shows and not do a quick size-up of the band—deciding immediately whether or not they are going to be worth your time. It’s just an efficiency thing. If you can find out whether or not the group will be any good before they even play the first note, it’ll be that much easier to get your three dollars back from the door guy...
