In the ’80s, "Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA)" was the source of the biggest, most unfounded and ignorant witch hunt since McCarthyism. Everyone who was even remotely religious was scared that their kids would fall victim to the devil. The concept of Satanic panic, as it appears today, is no different, just swap the pentagram for a swastika and give the devil a mustache, with a funny German hat. Basically, the accusation is that anyone and everyone who leans slightly right of the far left, is clearly a white nationalist. And, this playbook comes directly from the religious right of yesteryear—passed down to the radical leftists of modern times.
Sure, there are probably fringe groups of lunatics who did (or still do) horrible things in the name of Satan, but the degree to which said groups exist in reality is extremely small, when compared to the number of pro-religious-freedom groups (such as The Church Of Satan) who share diametrically opposed ideas, but also (and, unfortunately) similar imagery. Thus, the extremely rare presence of child abuse was used throughout the ’80s, to justify a panic surrounding folks simply just like the idea of waving a Satanic flag in the face of bigoted, religious protesters—similar in fashion, but completely different targets. The only difference between Satanic Panic and Nazi Witch Hunts is that casual Republicans haven’t adopted the swastika in the same manner that Satanists adopted the pentagram. But, everything else (American flags, Pepe memes and "okay" hand signs) is fitting for this analogy. All it takes to accuse someone who doesn’t like taxes and believes in the First Amendment of being a Nazi is, well, just printing said accusation on social media or in a local weekly publication. And, because it’s fun to provoke misinformed, ignorant people, you’re gonna get a few trolls making Pepe memes to provoke the journalists who are convinced that cartoon frogs and hate crimes go hand-in-hand.
I recall going to a Christian summer camp—not because my family was Christian per say, but because there was very little to choose from in my area and this particular camp was pretty soft on the religious angle. That was, of course, until I met our camp counselor, "Turtle." Turtle was a spitting image of Mr. Van Driessen, from the Beavis & Butthead television series and movie—an irritating, love-everyone, peace-and-blessings, long-haired hippie, but without any of the illicit substances and lacking a Grateful Dead affinity. One night, during dinner at camp, a kid from our group was drawing peace signs on his napkin. Turtle quickly informed the kid (as well as the whole group) that the peace sign was clearly Satanic. Of course, all anyone has to do to illustrate this, is take a cross, flip it upside down, break the arms and circle it. This, obviously, is "Satan trying to trap Jesus under the guise of peace and love." This intrigued me. As a child from an alcoholic home, any answer to "Why is the world so fucked up?" was welcome. And, as it turned out, everything was clearly Satan’s fault, right?
Being a kid who was more into conspiracy theories than he was Jesus, I began to seek out all sorts of "hidden" Satanic imagery in my own music collection, with Turtle willing to help out. AC/DC? Satanic. KISS? Satanic. Weird Al? Super, super Satanic. New Kids On The Block? Don’t even bother asking...just cue up "Step By Step" and sacrifice an animal, as the music is instructing you to do. Eventually, everything became "Satanic" and I was convinced that throwing up a peace sign or enjoying any musician who didn’t tour exclusively in mega-churches would result in me burning in hell. Literally, anything could be seen as a connection to the upside-down pentagram or the number 666. Eventually, my parents had to sit me down and explain that my obsession with finding Satan behind every corner was not only unhealthy, but it would end up costing me friends in the long run.
Sound familiar yet?
Now, it wasn’t just the kids at summer camp in the early ’90s who bought into the panic. In the ’80s, parents were worried that secret Satanic rituals were happening at the schools their kids went to, with news reports and supposedly true secondhand accounts from "this lady who knows the guy at the gym whose kid definitely got abducted for a ritual." Even more humorous in retrospect, is the idea that Dungeons & Dragons was somehow introducing children to Satanism, to the point that there’s even a movie about it, called Mazes & Monsters, starring none other than Tom Hanks (who would later portray a child who grows into an adult, after reciting a demonic spell and accepting his fate, at an amusement park, of all places). As time moved on, of course, the mid-to-late ’90s would birth musical acts such as Marilyn Manson, who would not only embrace the imagery of media-inspired Satanic panic in an ironic attempt at humor and subversion, but the actual Church Of Satan, which, ironically, has nothing to do with child abduction (or harming any living creature—see Jaime Dunkle’s write-up on Hail Satan? here). Pentagram art would begin to sell at Hot Topic. "666" became cool, and while there are probably people out there who do harm children for whatever reason, it became clear that the fake outrage and paranoia surrounding "Satanic imagery" everywhere was just that—fake outrage and paranoia. Folks stopped trying to look for the boogieman everywhere and we had a good ten years of unapologetic, tongue-in-cheek fun with the concept of demonic imagery. Did that mean that folks casually endorsed the idea of child sacrifice or ritual killing of animals? No. It just meant that folks accepted the fact that Satan wasn’t lurking around every corner, waiting to abduct their kids. If anything, the act of co-opting "evil" for fun’s sake probably destroyed the credibility of anyone who actually endorsed violent, legitimately evil "Satanic" cult behavior. Even more so, The Church Of Satan would go on to support dozens (if not hundreds) of woke-in-the-good-way, progressive causes, such as same-sex marriage rights and access to safe reproductive healthcare.
As the ’90s came to a close, it would seem that the moral panic and fake outrage belonged to the far right—particularly, a small faction of seriously religious people who caught the attention of the media and brought their nonsense panic into the spotlight. Now, flash forward to 2019 and Hitler is the new Satan, in terms of outrage-generating panic. And, just as the radical Christians of yesteryear would accuse gay people of conspiring with the devil, the far left of today accuses Republicans and centrists of conspiring with Hitler.
Hear me out.
While Adolf "The Actual" Hitler was a real person (and most would argue that Satan is not), our country whopped his ass, as well as all the asses of the Nazis who tried to fight for him. He’s dead now and no one is grieving. Plus, if someone discovers that the elderly guy down the street is an ex-Nazi in hiding, the neighbors will burn his house down (as they should). Anyone who believes in American values, such as patriotism, free speech or liberty is, for all intents and purposes, anti-fascist and anti-Hitler. Cool? Cool...
Well, sort of. After Donald Trump was elected, the majority of left-leaning voters lost their shit, unable to believe that a country with a whopping two viable political parties would, year after year, come close to a fifty-fifty split during a national election. And, I can understand why—even if you believe in a Dems-And-Cons model of government, Trump is a somewhat accidental candidate, in that he’s got about as much political experience as a bag of chips and regardless of where you land on the political spectrum, we can all admit that the guy is divisive. So, instead of admitting that half the country is sick of being lied to by Democrats and establishment Republicans (or, ya know, they supported the old, cool, stoner uncle who got robbed of the nomination and decided to vote against the candidate who stole it), the far left brought the "white nationalist" argument into the discussion. This oddly echoes the "Obama is a Muslim terrorist from Kenya" nonsense that the far right spewed for eight years. Clearly, the only reason that Trump won, is that half of our country is "bigoted, racist, homophobic, transphobic, woman-hating, immigrant-hating, 4Chan-loving trolls." There is no way that flyover-state-dwelling construction workers and auto manufacturers were sick of getting their jobs taken away, felt that Hillary was a bad choice and didn’t really care that Trump made a comment about how some women will consensually let rich guys grab their pussy, back in 1990whenever, while Hillary was busy sending death threats to the dozens of women accusing Bill of assault. NONE OF THAT MATTERS, because clearly, anyone who didn’t vote for Hillary is a Nazi and a KKK supporter.
More importantly, I’m not trying to be pro-Trump here—I voted for Jill Stein, because she made the most sense and doesn’t endorse the war machine. Rather, I’m going to just say it like it is: no one who is waving "Down With Cheeto" signs at the White Women’s March can name a single policy that Trump endorses (partially because Republican women aren’t even allowed at said march). This is similar to saying something like, "I hate Charles Manson for the comments he made about the Beatles" or "9/11 was tragic, because I really wanted to visit the twin towers for an Instagram photo and now I can’t." There are several—and I mean Republican-approved, factually accurate and/or nonpartisan—reasons that one can cite, to argue that Trump is a bad president. However, there are also a few good things he’s done, such as expanding family leave for women, which any rational person cannot argue against (unless you’re CNN). But, because "anyone in a MAGA hat is clearly a Nazi," we can’t have nice things...
I’m actually convinced that if Trump found a way to cure cancer, most of Portland would start smoking two packs a day—just to protest. On that note, do you enjoy your VW Bus? Congratulations, you’re riding with Hitler.
But, back to the lecture at hand...Trump’s election caused the radical left to form a "Nazi panic," which is eerily similar to the Satanic panic of the ’80s. Thanks to dogmatic, left-leaning universities (that are surprisingly still funded by our tax dollars), all sorts of fantastic new buzzwords, conspiracy theories and mental gymnastics have made themselves available for use, when backing up claims of white supremacist activity in your neighborhood. Forget sensible laws and rational approaches to the real world—if you don’t agree in totally open borders, believing any accusation made by a liberal, handing over your guns to the government and only using a certain set of approved words to express your thoughts, you’re a "fascist." By the standard modern AntiFa (the new guys, at least—I remember when AntiFa was actually about doxing real Nazis and not just 4Chan trolls or out-of-state religious nut bags) or neo-liberal definition, merely being patriotic qualifies someone as a Nazi. Now, that seems odd, seeing as how Uncle Sam kicked Hitler’s ass. To me, if you’re a right-wing patriot, you should have no problem being anti-fascist. But, because "Trump equals Hitler and Hitler equals half of the U.S.," there clearly have to be Nazis floating around, right?
Take, for instance, comedian Sarah Silverman, whose Trump Derangement Syndrome meltdown produced this gem of a Tweet:
Remember when she was making semi-racist jokes and audiences laugh at the same time? Add to the mix millionaire Democrat, Jussie Smollett, who falsely claimed to be attacked and lynched by "white nationalists" while they supposedly yelled "this is MAGA country," 4Chan memes, such as "it’s okay to be white" or "the okay sign is racist" being used for outrage bait (and working, in the exact same way as Satantic imagery did with shock rock or how Sid Vicious wore a swastika shirt in an attempt at ironic humor) or the extremely disturbing trend of associating the term "free speech" as "code for white nationalism." Imagine, if you will, Berkeley in the 1960s, where students would protest in favor of free speech, only to watch the 2018 class burn a sign that says "free speech," while protesting the idea of allowing "problematic" speakers to attend the campus.
"But, Ray, real-life white nationalists are co-opting those slogans, signs, symbols and memes, so you better stop using them!" Again, there are people who murder children and wear Satanic imagery—does this mean that the extremely progressive and anti-violent Church Of Satan needs to be blamed for those cases? Only if you want to target the good guys, while simultaneously ignoring the real problem.
Personally, I have been the target of a recent smear campaign by LARPing, local activists, because I accepted an invite to speak at a "free speech" event. Were two of the speakers invited to attend associated with the far right? Sure. But, were they Nazis? No—just, well, Trump voters and Christians. In fact, three of the other speakers spoke out against religion—one called the church a "cult." One was a YouTube star who called for agreement, between the right and the left, in opposing actual fascists. I, personally, introduced myself as a "classical liberal cuck" and proceeded to explain things, like how you can’t be pro-free speech and anti-transgender-rights at the same time—the same way you can’t be pro-self-defense and anti-choice. I was given ten minutes to be as pro-left as I could (and where it counts, I still am...I’m just really done with the fans of this team at the moment). The event was, how would you say...diverse? Anyways, none of the alt-right attendees (all two of them) threatened me with hatespeech, but they did come up afterward, to tell me it was cool that someone who disagrees with them had the balls to speak. Meanwhile, outside of the venue (a public library, at that), chants of "NAZIS GO HOME" surrounded a small group of protesters, who were handing out flyers, claiming that there was a "hate rally" happening in the library. Because I was merely seen at the event without a "fuck you, free speech" sign, I am now being called out as a "white nationalist" via social media (and yes, I can see your posts...I don’t think you kids know how the internet works). Thankfully, no one from the alt-left actually has any money and I work mostly on commission from people who do (and, oddly enough, tend to vote Republican), so my wallet hasn’t suffered the same way that my reputation has.
The best part of this event, was when the organizer of the event invited every one of the AntiFa folks and protesters to come in and speak for the same amount of time allotted to the scheduled speakers, and none of them accepted the offer. Why? Well, although you’re not gonna get them to admit it, I’d argue that it would have a behind-the-Wizard-Of-Oz-curtain effect, in which (*gasp*) they would realize that not a single Nazi (i.e. boogieman) was in attendance. Thus, by remaining outside of the venue and protesting, the illusion of a boogieman would continue to serve as "proof" for the existence of a boogieman. Much like how the "Satanic panic" people of the ’80s never took the time to visit Stull, Kansas (which is apparently the gateway to hell), modern day "fascist hunters" don’t spend time in the trailer parks of Idaho, looking for klan hoods and swastikas—they’re too busy trying to prove that these things are hidden behind memes and hand gestures, used by liberals in a progressive town.
Anyways, I got the "dox-and-dig" treatment for having the balls to show my face at an event that was not approved by the Nazi Ghost Hunters and a grand total of four (4) people have un-friended me from Facebook, but not without threatening to "call my boss" (on that note, if someone could please pass on a few copies of this magazine to the head of Outrage Inc., letting them know what kind of filth we proudly print, perhaps that would save them some time). So, I asked for evidence. I told everyone to show me one lick of proof that I’m a white nationalist. I posted video of my talk at the event. Shit, our boy Eric let me know that if you search "Ray McMillin" and the word "white" on Facebook, every one of my posts on said topic could appear in The Root and no one would know the difference—I make fun of white people so much, that I’m no longer allowed in Applebee’s, I’ve been cut out of my racist aunt’s will for "dating a colored" and Nickelback will self-censor if it appears in my Pandora playlist. Trust me, if I’m the new face of white nationalism, David Duke needs to really think about reorganizing his human resources department. I refuse to date white women and have since they made smiling at one a felony. How much more clear can I be, in my refusal to pass on "white nationalist" genes?
But, all of this echoes—down to the note—the same shit that hyper-religious people (who were still stuck in Satanic panic mode) told me in the ’90s, when I’d show up to class in a Marilyn Manson or White Zombie shirt. "Don’t you know who you’re endorsing?" "Did you know that he removed his own ribs to suck his own dick?" "Aren’t you afraid of being on the wrong side of history?" Yes, huh and no. Because, in my heart, I know that we’re stuck in the world’s biggest game of Outrage Ball. Team Left has the ball, which they took from Team Right years ago, by showing proof that, say, being in a same-sex relationship or listening to secular music isn’t an endorsement of an evil lifestyle (and, now that I think about it, television shows used to avoid showing gay couples kissing, because it was "offensive speech..." hmmm). But, since Team Left is still playing Outrage Ball, they need a panic for their own cause, and recently, it’s been the idea that anyone who lands slightly right of Stalin on the political spectrum, is a Nazi.
Again, I am not saying that rational-minded Republicans, Libertarians, centrists and rational liberals should be able to wave a swastika and claim that it means something different (analogous to the modern Satanist use of the pentagram). What I am saying, however, is that, like the folks who wear Church Of Satan gear and attend goth metal shows, people who simply wear American flag gear and attend right-of-Stalin events aren’t endorsing the worst-case example of the fringe groups who claim to side with them. Memes are fun. Poking fun at people who take everything too seriously will always be fun. And, knowing that these same, supposed "anti-racists" hold mostly white rallies in which they attempt to take speech away from statistically under-represented groups, is fucking hysterical.
However, speaking of sports, I think that’s a great jump-off for the point I’m really trying to make: guilt by association is not a legitimate cause for panic. Because, well, some Blazers fans are racists—I’m sure of it. In fact, I’d bet that some actual (read: swastikas, shaved heads and suspenders) Nazi skinheads absolutely love the Blazers. Further, Hitler was a staunch, radical vegetarian. So, if you, too, are a staunch vegetarian, you may as well just unfriend yourself right now, because this is no place for hate groups. Shit...I just found out that Donald Trump drinks water, brushes his teeth and married an immigrant. Hey, wifey...you hear that? Time to deport your ass, but not before throwing away the toothpaste and turning off our faucets.
Ridiculous.
The best part of the event was watching a leftist protester call a black dude in a MAGA hat an "Uncle Tom." First of all, that’s a racially-specific insult, end of story. But, ironically, white liberals are the only group with out-group preference, meaning that they are...damn, what’s a word for people who go against their own self-interest because they’ve been brainwashed by their plantation masters? I dunno, but "Aunt Karen" has a nice ring to it. Let’s use that term to refer to people with blind allegiance to the party responsible for destroying the groups they’re claiming to protect.
We live in a society where we need a boogieman. Why? Well, it’s a lot easier to blame [insert literally any bad thing about the world here] and/or [insert something you don’t agree with here] on an all-inclusive conspiracy theory, which can help explain away cognitive dissonance, than it is to accept that the world might be a complex and nuanced place, full of overlapping ideas and non-defined boundaries. Plus, fixing real problems with real solutions requires real work. Sure, we can toss money into the donation box to "find a cure" or "raise awareness," but who do you think that money goes to? Oh yeah, doctors and researchers—they’re the ones who do the actual labor. So, by waving a sign that says "Nazis Go Home" in front of a crowd of self-described "pro-speech, patriotic Americans" regardless of who shows up to rub elbows with them (just like at the Blazer game), you’re saying "Hey, someone else, fix this for me." Then, the cops these kids hate so much are asked to do their legwork. How’s that for socialism? Seems pretty anti-laborer to me. Anyways, the modern left just does the rinse, ban, boycott, dox, harass, shame, bully and repeat thing...but it’s not doing anything to help their cause, except for creating a whole new demographic of protest voters, come 2020. The bottom line is that accountability and responsibility go two ways, but they’re hard for most people and next to impossible for anyone who relies on "society" to fix shit for them. In fact, if you one-hundred-percent agree with every policy and idea put forth by your political affiliation, you’re not a free-thinker, but a cult member. I agree with Bernie on big corporations, Hillary on reproductive rights and (trigger warning) Trump on the economy. As. Does. Most. Of. The. Country.
On the same note, it’s much easier to believe that half of our country are bigoted Nazis, than it is to accept that many Trump voters probably did a cost-benefit analysis and decided that his politics and policies are, on a whole, a better (or, more likely, an immediate) choice for their own wants and needs. Perhaps—and go ahead with the "fascist" accusations if you must—voting for someone because of their sex organs or collective identity isn’t going to fix our country’s decaying middle class. Maybe, and I’m going wayyy out on a limb here, explaining "hetero-normative systems of oppression that are ignored by cis white males and endorsed by the patriarchy" to Bob from the auto parts store is the same thing as explaining how "the devil is using his tricks to convince children that role playing games and classic rock aren’t gateways to demonic possession that goes against God’s word" to a kid in a KISS shirt. It’s all preachy, dogmatic, elitist, cult-like nonsense—end of story. It’s no wonder why the kids who claim to be socialists never bring up the concept of class, because they’d be the first to go, once folks realized who has the power over thought, speech and behavior in our current climate.
Perhaps the religious right of the ’80s and the neo-left of the 2010s are the same people. If not, they sure as hell...excuse me, Germany...act like it.
Lastly—and, possibly, most disturbing of all—there are actual child killers and real-life racists. But, much like how you never saw a pastor attempt to infiltrate actual Satanic cults in the ’80s, you will never see a group of modern-day leftists who claim to be "anti-fascist" strap on their bonehead-stomping boots and head out to Idaho (KKK capital of the northwest) in search of a fight. Why? Because we’re not dealing with actual anti-fascists here—we’re dealing with hurt children. A generation that grows up allergic to responsibility and addicted to blame will never understand self-ownership. A culture full of people who insist that any unfairness or uncomfortable truths be blamed on a grand conspiracy theory will not survive the winter, so to speak. And, a population that calls everyone who shares an appreciation for free speech a "Nazi" is simply turning 1984 into a reality.
But, it feels good to assume that everyone who doesn’t toe your ideological line must be a bigot, doesn’t it?
