Welcome to the first issue we’ve dedicated to music in years. Music can bring us all together, right? Well... maybe not so much. Just ask someone to differentiate between types of heavy metal and list them from best to worst. Or, perhaps, suggest that east coast hip hop is actually better than the stuff we listen to out west. Then, watch as someone with a slightly different perspective than you kicks your ass all the way to the hospital. We all take our preferences way too seriously, discredit the preferences of other and simultaneously demanding that other people give our tastes an open-minded listen. We all have our own shit, we know the steps, the words, the imagery, the vibe and the crowd. Basically, music is like politics that you can listen to. So, what better topic to dedicate an entire magazine to? But, before we turn on to the tunes, check out what’s happening around Portland...
Do you like wet t-shirts? Do you want to show off in a wet t-shirt? Well, on Friday, August 23, the Dancin’ Bare is the place to be. Considering the massive influx of transplants and tourists to Portland over the last few years, some of you may not be familiar with the northern end of our fine city—let alone the iconic strip club that has recently undergone new management (but has kept the same name). So, what better reason to check out the club than their wet t-shirt contest? The contest is "open to all boobs" and the $20 buy-in includes a free shirt! Now, I’m half tempted to enter the contest myself, seeing as how I haven’t worked out in years and am currently rocking some perky hooters, but because it’s Dancin’ Bare (a place I respect), I’ll sit this one out. That means it’s up to you, lovely reader, to show up, get wet and show off. Music will be provided by DJ Pussyfoot and water will be provided by your tax dollars.
I gotta give it to our town for having the best theme nights for strip clubs, ever. Do you like movies and hate finding a good spot to hang at on Mondays? Well, you’ve got not one but two spots to hit as the week starts. Downtown at The Whiskey Club, "Movie Night Monday Nights" include a large projector screen, showing cult classics while sexy ladies dance and customers drink all types of whiskey. Deeper out on the west side, at Reveal Lounge, "Movie Mondays" involves movie-themed sets from dancers, as well as drink specials. Are you bored of the big screen and looking for something more pet-friendly? Sunday, August 11, Devil’s Point is hosting their XXX Annual Bikini Car & Dog Wash, which is exactly what it sounds like—get a clean pet, a clean car and the clean state of mind that comes from watching sexy girls in bikinis soak up your doge and Dodge. Plus, it’s for a good cause— Family Dogs New Life, a no-kill shelter. Save puppies, get a clean car and hang out at Devils Point on a Sunday... that sounds like summer in Portland. Take the time to look through the ads in our magazine, not just to support the people who pay our bills, but to see exactly how many reasons there are to avoid hitting Facebook and asking if anything is happening tonight. There is always something to do and it usually involves nudity and alcohol. Our city is the best.
The only tatted-up topless contest happening in Portland continues, with the qualifier rounds on Friday, August 2 at Guilty Pleasures and Thursday, August 8, at Kit Kat Club. On Saturday, August 24, at Dante’s in downtown Portland, the final rounds will occur and a winner will receive the centerfold and cover of our magazine, plus a shitload of cash and bragging rights like no other. If you missed this (or other) Exotic contests, you’re still early when it comes to Miss Exotic Oregon (happening at the end of the year). Have you ever thought of competing? You should—Portland is over-saturated, when it comes to bands, comedians and all the other stuff you can get away with as a creative and still remain clothed, non-athletic and family friendly. Being a naked performer, on the other hand, is not something that a lot of people choose to do. In other words, your chances of making it are that much greater. For instance, let’s say that you’re thinking about running for office—you have thousands of other people in your way (and, unlike our events, actual mouth-to-ass action is required to move up the political ladder). Plus, if you get caught with a half-naked photo on your Instagram account, say goodbye to your chances at running for office. But, if you’re trying to win Miss Exotic Oregon, not only is nudity and social media promotion encouraged, it’s pretty much required— there are no "deep fake nudes" of previous year’s winners, because we already have the real nudes on display in our magazine. In addition to politics, you can compare winning an Exotic event to pretty much anything— from sports to education—and realize that it’s a much better investment than anything else that has a billion applicants and almost no payout. As far as the good ol’ Vag Pag goes, the winner of this year’s contest (the tenth annual!) was announced after we went to press, so be sure to visit VaginaBeautyPageant. com and see who is currently the titleholder of Miss Beautful Vagina 2019.
Aside from Exotic, Willamette Week is pretty much the only free publication in town that actually recognizes the strip club industry as valid, which is not only dope, but it means that their readers chose one of our own to win "DJ Of The Year." Who would that be? The one and only DJ Pussyfoot, of course. Now, before any haters speak up about [insert hater shit here], DJ Pussyfoot is hustling harder than any other DJ out there. And, as a former strip club DJ, I can be the first to say he deserves the title. First of all, what does he look like? That’s right—no one knows. The strip club is about the dancers, so the DJ may as well be background noise, right? Well, that’s the next thing I enjoy about Pussyfoot— he glows and blinks like a robot, which is a lot easier on the eyes than some pale kid in a Slipknot shirt, lurched over a laptop. I’m not familiar with his background, but he’s definitely a staple in town. So, yeah, no only does DJ Pussyfoot deserve the title, but you should check out his upcoming events (see the Spotlight Of Events below).
FRI 2—EVA’S BOUTIQUE—LADIES’ NIGHT
FRI 2—GUILTY PLEASURES—INK ‘N’ PINK PRELIM ROUND 3
THU 8—KIT KAT CLUB—INK ‘N’ PINK PRELIM ROUND 4
FRI 9—GUILTY PLEASURES—AN EVENING WITH DJ PUSSYFOOT
SUN 11—DEVILS POINT—13TH ANNUAL BIKINI CAR & DOG WASH
WED 14—CLUB 205—SOCIAL MEDIA NIGHT
SAT 17—LUCKY DEVIL—ALEX’S PURGATORY BIRTHDAY
SAT 17—SHIMMERS GENTLEMEN’S CLUB—RETRO NIGHT
THU 22—CLUB SINROCK—DJ PUSSYFOOT’S VICTORY PARTY
FRI 23—DANCIN’ BARE—WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
SAT 24—DANTE’S—INK ‘N’ PINK FINAL ROUND
FRI 30—HAWTHORNE STRIP—PONI & ROSIE’S BIRTHDAY PARTY
FRI 30—TOMMY’S TOO—DAISY DUKE CONTEST
FRI 30—XPOSE—BEST OF PORTLAND PARTY
SAT 31—DREAM ON SALOON—SUMMER MIXTAPE PARTY
SAT 31—THE NILE (EUGENE)—DJ PUSSYFOOT EUGENE TAKEOVER
