The overly made-up, twenty-something college girl arrives at the club, waits in line and still doesn’t have her identification ready when the door guy asks for it. "FIVE DOLLARS?!" she exclaims, upon being told that, yes, there is a cover charge for high-end strip clubs located in the heart of downtown. "Fine, I’ll just use the ATM," she huffs, before holding up the rest of the line to get her cash. "Can you change a twenty?" she asks the bouncer, who immediately does just that. "Oh, and I’m also paying for my three friends," she says, handing the bouncer back the money he just gave her. The entire line of customers is watching her, hoping she will go away—but, this is a self-defeating mission, as the attention they are giving her is just what she wants. And, she is about to get much more, at the cost of everyone else inside the club...
At first, Woo Girl seems to be just another enthusiastic customer—she sits at the stage, spreads out a few dollars and yells her trademark "woo!" no matter what the dancer on stage is doing. If there is a physical manifestation of the over-supportive Millennial, Woo Girl is it. Dancer steps on stage, Woo Girl yells. Dancer wipes down the pole, Woo Girl yells. DJ announces "Sapphire on standby," Woo Girl yells.
What most folks won’t realize until it’s too late, is that the constant yelling from Woo Girl stems not from a need to show appreciation, but rather, a need to be the center of attention. It’s pretty obvious, if you think about it—it doesn’t matter if you’re a touring musician, an off-duty porn star or just another hot girl on the town, when you’re in a strip club, you’re not going to win over the gaze and attention of the crowd, in the same way you would at a traditional nightclub. This is similar to how, as a DJ, I can show up at a house party and take over the vibe with a pair of speakers and a mixer. But, if I show up to Burning Man with two cheap Alpine subs and a laptop, the chances of me even getting a small crowd of head-nodders is slim to none, as I’m competing with dozens of other DJs—ranging from national headliners to established, local fixtures. But, since I have neither the desire nor the need to be the center of attention, I have learned to leave my DJ gear at home, opting instead to relax and enjoy whatever acts the festival I am attending has booked. However, to Woo Girl, who thrives on being the center of attention, the strip club is not a place to relax—it’s a competition.
After a few rotations of dancers, Woo Girl is still sitting at the tip rail, but she’s not tipping. "I already tipped you guys a lot," Woo Girl tells a dancer who is not familiar with the "you guys" distribution of tips. The dancer then explains to Woo Girl that, according to the constant reminders from the DJ, each dancer works for tips and none of the girls have an income. Woo Girl then leaves the stage (sometimes—other times, security needs to assist), huffing and puffing her way up to the bar.
At this point, she joins up with her friends and/or date, picks a table and begins to seek attention from customers. This is usually accompanied by either criticism of the dancer(s) on stage ("Can you believe she works here? I could do that...") or with loud sing-alongs and nightclub-style dancing. The bouncer will eventually approach her table, remind them about the rules and politely request that the group chill out and act like customers. At this point, Woo Girl’s posse and/or date usually apologizes to the bouncer, but not Woo Girl...she’s out for blood.
Woo Girl, having been informed that "this is a strip club, not a dance club," begins to remove her clothing. After all, if [insert literally any dancer at the club, no matter how talented] is doing her thing on stage, why can’t Woo Girl do her thing at the table? So, after her second nipple becomes exposed, bouncers will (hopefully) return to Woo Girl’s table and ask her to leave. This is when all hell breaks loose.
The following is a list of things that I have seen happen, when a real-life Woo Girl has been (attempted to be) removed from clubs I have worked at:
* She removed mace from her purse, threw it at the bouncer and then accused him of trying to mace her.
* She ran onto the stage, pushed the dancer off the pole and attempted to swing around it, only to end up falling and almost breaking her arm.
* She yelled racial slurs at a group of young, black men, all dressed in blue and sitting at the same table, at a club near SE 162nd.
* While being dragged out by security, she threw a full pint glass at the DJ booth and said, "Why are you laughing at me?"
* She informed incoming customers that "all the girls are whores," before taking her shirt off, turning around and twerking on the side of the building.
* She spewed vomit that was so new (as in, the product of a recently consumed drink), whipped cream and bits of strawberry were still visible when it hit the floor.
* She was caught pooping on the restroom floor, in protest, after being asked to leave.
Now, this is the part of the article where I could take a quick, sexist detour into privilege and how our culture tends to allow young, drunk, white women to get away with anything, under the justification that, because there are shitty white guys in office, Woo Girl is oppressed and can therefore do no wrong (not even from her parent’s house in Lake Oswego). This would be semi-valid, but I think a better point can be made by stating the obvious—if there is a level of sexism and oppression that all women experience, the naked woman on the pole, putting up with verbal harassment on a minute-to-minute basis, while trying to pay her rent, is experiencing exponentially more of said oppression and sexism, than the entitled, overly touchy and arrogant Woo Girl, who is using the club as an arena for Trash Fire Olympics.
Woo Girls break all the rules—and, not in a good way. They’re independent women, but by "independent," they mean "rules do not apply to me." They will touch dancers. They will steal drinks from customers. They will break any and all rules regarding cellphone use, to the point of broadcasting their private dance experience on Facebook live (this has happened on multiple occasions). Woo Girls are the female equivalent of Douchebag Guys, which I will tackle next month in this very column (and yes, bad male customers are far worse than bad female customers—but, the latter doesn’t get that much attention).
There are several ways in which your club can prevent Woo Girls from becoming regulars, but here are a few quick, easy-to-establish guidelines to keep your club Woo Girl unfriendly: no Journey after 10pm, do not serve flavored Stoli and ban bachelorette parties. Woo Girls are basically Gremlins, in that you can take three basic, cautionary steps to prevent them from becoming full-on monsters.
