Thank the aliens above...the holiday season is over! I am, as most folks know, not the biggest fan of winter. Shit freezes. It gets dark at noon. Consumerism forces families into small spaces for short periods of time, resulting in every party involved wanting to avoid each other for another year. Plus, it never snows when you want it to snow. Thankfully, strip clubs keep naked women warm, employed and happy—we are truly a yearround industry. So, if you’re still feeling the leftovers of holiday depression, head over to Club Sinrock’s new downtown location or swing by Sinferno and warm up next to the fire shows. Now, on to the news...
This year’s Miss Exotic Oregon competition was nothing short of amazing. By the time the final rounds rolled around, the roster of candidates was beyond impressive—a list of nearly twenty performers, all of whom brought their A game to the stage. So, when it came time to crown a new queen, the scores were tight and there was genuine suspense, as the winner was announced. Once the winner was crowned, the crowd went wild and it was clear that folks from Portland were happy with the results of an election—in 2019, that’s an accomplishment in and of itself.
Now, it is worth noting that Miss Exotic Oregon 2020 marked the return of bead-free voting (well, one bead necklace per attendee, with no way to purchase more), meaning that the winner was determined based mostly on score from the judges. Personally speaking, I have never had an issue with how prior pageants have turned out—from Taeya’s classic Granny-Gone-Wild theme to Annie’s visually stunning Pink Panther set, I truly enjoyed (and respect the crowns of) previous Miss Exotic Oregon winners. But, because any election or competition ends up in some sort of dispute—usually based on rumors and hot air—there was an extra element of fairness this year, which means that no one can dispute the new queen’s crown (unless your conspiracy theories are deep cuts, involving aliens and the Illuminati—but, everyone already knows we work for both of those parties).
So, who won? None other than Axel from Devils Point, who performed a set based on A Clockwork Orange—complete with an actual milk bath and help from her fellow droogs. In my 25 short years on this planet (give or take a decade and a half), I have never, ever seen a theme so "ultraviolent" or fringe (read the book and watch the movie, if you have not yet already) appeal to a crowd that may or may not be familiar with the source material. This, to me, is the sign of a true performer—someone whose theme and concept is clear cut, but is not necessary for the audience to be familiar with, in order for them to appreciate the show. I don’t speak much Spanish, but I enjoy the shit out of some Mexican wrestling— showmanship and dramatics transcend language. So, to Axel, cheers for bringing the Korova to the masses.
Be sure to catch our exclusive Axel interview (as well as some sexy photos) here.
I usually reserve this column for local news and events, but since it’s a semislow month (aside from Pirates Of The Caribooty—peep the dates to your right), I figure I’d take some time to remind folks about what exactly "entertainment" means (at least, when it comes to the kind of entertainment offered by the strip club hub that is Oregon). When a performer hits the stage, they are selling a fantasy—an escape from the daily grind, complete with stage names and theme music. If you haven’t noticed, strip clubs are the last remaining aspect of entertainment that has not been infused with...you guessed it, politics.
Movies, comic books, video games, television shows and music have all been reduced to an us-versus-them, our-teamagainst-your-team, shaming competition—from all sides. Considering the turmoil that exists on mainstream news, combined with the fact that 2020 is an election year, I want my fellow DJs, dancers, club owners and club staff to all come together in agreement, that we will continue to be an escape from the drama. When people are fed up with the constant barrage of political narrative(s), they deserve an escape and, well, we are that escape. Boobs are bipartisan.
Yes, there are issues like FOSTA/SESTA that are both industry-related and political in nature. But, if you take a closer look, neither of the big teams gives two fucks about the adult industry. We’re either a bunch of immoral sinners who don’t pay their taxes, or part of the misogynistic patriarchy that keeps all women down—at least, according to the elephants and donkeys. To me, however, the strip club industry is the perfect union between capitalism and socialism—a great way for "both sides" to sit at the same stage and appreciate a strong, independent woman who doesn’t mind performing naked for anyone, regardless of how they vote (at least, she pretends to not care, but most customers wouldn’t know that). I have seen rival gangs and motorcycle clubs put aside their differences at the rack—so, if that’s possible, anything is possible.
And, if you insist on being political as a stripper or strip club employee, at least consider running for office. We need more of our kind in government. I mean, if you’re looking for someone who is good with money, knows how to put on a show, can kiss ass and pretend to care when necessary, what better fit than a dancer?
SAT 4—DREAM ON SALOON—2020 PARTY
SAT 11—REVEAL LOUNGE—PIRATES OF THE CARIBOOTY ROUND 1
THU 16—CLUB SINROCK—MARYJANE’S BIRTHDAY BASH
FRI 17—DANCIN’ BARE—PIRATES OF THE CARIBOOTY ROUND 2
SAT 18—XPOSE—PIRATES OF THE CARIBOOTY ROUND 3
FRI 24—CLUB TEASE—GRAND OPENING PARTY
FRI 24—DESIRE—PIRATES OF THE CARIBOOTY ROUND 4
FRI 24—DEVILS POINT—AXEL & PIXIE’S VAMPIRE BIRTHDAY BASH
SAT 25—STARS CABARET (SALEM)—TRAILER TRASH BASH
SAT 25—DUSK ‘TIL DAWN—PIRATES OF THE CARIBOOTY FINAL QUALIFIER
FRI 31—GUILTY PLEASURES—PIRATES OF THE CARIBOOTY FINALS
FRI 31—TOMMY’S TOO—DAISY DUKE CONTEST
