The ancient Sumarians referred to W.A.P. as “Dispu tubu hallu hashallatu,” which literally translates to mean “honey from the meat leaves." Early fossil records show that wet-ass pussies have been around since 3400 B.C., but some evidence suggests that the early neanderthals had the gush bush over 40,000 years ago. W.A.P.s have been influencing our society longer than pyramids, aliens or even sandwiches. Yet, they remain a mystery to nerds. In this article, we will be answering some of the bigger questions like, “Where did they come from?” “Who’s got one?” and “Where should I keep my mop and bucket?”
Deep within damp caves of Maltravieso, Spain, are paintings of gatherers giving away all the nuts and berries that they collected, just for a chance to kiss a wet-ass pussy. Hunters would track herds of wild deadly animals—sometimes for weeks—just for a picture of that W.A.P. With water scarce in the dry months, most tribes heavily relied on W.A.P.s to provide hydration for survival.
Some of the earliest inventions can be traced back to drippin’ kittens—water slides, back massagers and snorkels. If these W.A.P.s weren’t around, it’s very possible we could be living in an entirely different society—even groundwork for the great pyramids was laid upon the foundation of prime puss. All scholarly experts agree that Cleopatra was packing one; as the story goes, you could hear it sloshing around as she walked past you.
Joan Of Arc was sopping so hard, they had to reignite that pire three times. And, this is far from the first pandemic with W.A.P.s—smallpox, malaria and black death were all filled with that nut-her butter. Even leprosy sufferers had it going on (when they weren’t falling off). Unfortunately, some believe the crusades might have also been caused by what they called “God’s Pocket.” Others disagree—but, those guys weren’t marching for civil rights, I’ll tell ya that much.
This period was actually a total fucking sausage fest. Most of the artists and philosophers were dudes. While this era certainly didn’t invent it, it did lead to more practical applications of the pussy. It also raised some questions we are still asking today, like, “Does free will exist within the confines of that ass?” and “Is it better to be the wettest fish in a small pond or a dried-up fish in a big pond?”
One of the many uterine linings of history—this was a period devoted shedding and expelling racism. Periods like these are needed often and even missing one could have dire consequences. Unfortunately, bureaucracy has clogged this process with laws and doctrines—causing a systematic syndrome of toxicity. Racism has been plunged deep into the loins of the American justice system and we’ve missed too many periods now for cosmetic changes. We must use the long arm of the law and scrape out all racism that has impregnated our country.
Hitler had a team of scientists work around the clock every day, experimenting with muschisaft (pussy juice). Before Hitler got depressed at the end of the war and committed suicide, he had almost every tank coated in it—he thought it would make incoming fire slide off easier. Eva Braun did not contribute to these experiments, though, as she was usually rockin’ a dry one (which some historians believe is why Hitler was so depressed).
It’s apparent now, more than ever, that it’s the W.A.P.s time to blossom. Over half the videos I see on the internet got one and I have all the merchandise. Everybody’s got a W.A.P.— celebrities, adults and even children (according to celebrities). Sure, there are hundreds of laws dictating what you can do with yours...but, that song slaps, though! Cardi B could run for president right now and legitimately be the best candidate. It’s the golden era of the juice box—hop in the shower.
All that W.A.P. merchandise is bad for the environment, however. Marine life are becoming trapped in Fleshlights—due to all the skush out there—and scientists estimate that at least 30% of sea level rise is due to these extra gushy pussies. Scientists are discovering new, practical applications for skirt squirt all the time—everything from Alzheimer’s treatment, to microchip building, to sex lube.
The future can be fickle and even unpredictable at times, but, if you play with it long enough, eventually, it’ll tell you not to worry about it and go to bed. While we may not know everything (like, if it’s actually pee or why my wife left me), we do know that, while we might not be exactly where we want to be, things on this end are steadily on the rise for these wet-ass pussies.
