At some point in our lives, most of us will go under a surgeon’s knife. It seems so commonplace now, but until recently, it was exceedingly rare, dangerous, excruciating, and only done when things like prayer, magical poop poultices, or massive doses of opium didn’t do the trick.
Let’s now have a gander at some of the oddball standouts of surgical history. The list is far, far longer than this wispy overview can possibly cover, so we’re just scratching the surface here—but let’s scratch at it with an unsterilized scalpel, shall we?...
First and foremost, congratulations! Your performance was amazing, and the theme was very unique! What led to your decision for the theme you chose, paying homage to sideshows/traveling circuses?
When I first started dancing, I quickly gravitated to places like Sinferno Cabaret hosted at Dante's or stage clubs like Acropolis and Devils Point, where the performers are amazingly talented and unique. A lot of them also work in other areas of the entertainment industry, such as circus life. I know hand balancers, jugglers, acrobats, fire entertainers, contortionists, magicians, and the list goes on. After leaving the food service industry and entering this new and exciting world, I often feel like I ran away from real life and joined the circus. A dream not many of us get to live out. When thinking of a good set for this year's competition, I thought it would be imperative to pick something that showcases my personality and my love for performance art...
The third time I was with Orpheus, I watched him sleep, so I guess it’s only fair now that he’s dead, he watches me sleep—whenever he fancies. Like I mentioned before, he’ll just perch himself on a nearby dresser or table and casually goggle at me, probably while I snore.
I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do when I finally allow myself to have a real relationship after his death. Will he continue to visit my bedside? What if the person I’m with senses his presence? How am I going to explain that the ghost of my lover, who died, drops by unannounced every now and again? Maybe over a nice cup of tea and foot massage as a distraction. Nothing to see here: just a direct line from Hades to my home. How’s that Sweet Dreams blend? Roll your feet on this acupressure contraption. I bet I’d likely be hesitant to shoo Orpheus away, too. I mean, hell, if he wants to be a voyeur, so be it. After all, he was in my heart first...
A short time ago, I wrote for this very magazine an article about rare and bizarre foods which would shock our Western palates, such as maggoty cheese (Sardinian casu marzu) and fermented shark meat (Icelandic hákarl), among others. Well, our Western palates are not shocked by the things on this list, which are, or in some cases were, mass-produced for national or even international consumption, and we didn’t bat an eye. Before criticizing people in foreign lands, I feel we must turn the lens of scrutiny on ourselves in order to find out what food crimes we are collectively guilty of.
Here begins the list of evidence, in no particular order...
I have decided that what I was in 2021 (and 2020, for that matter) wasn’t all that great. I didn’t learn anything new other than how to get really good at Google searches while at work. The Google searches led me down a cornucopia of job searches, job titles, descriptions on what that job title actually did for $100K yearly, facts about various BARELY-B-movie actors, and lots of online purchases. I mean... lots. Like, so many online purchases that I started to wonder if I was turning into Santa. But I wasn’t—it was all for me.
So I decided—with all this wasted time I spent online researching shit—that I should just be a doer and not a nerd. Throw care to the wind and be a better person. Side note, better does not always mean good. It literally just means to improve on or surpass (an existing or previous level of performance or achievement). Anyway, here is a list of things I aim to be in 2022 and how you, too, can be better...
