Exotic Magazine

Exotic Magazine - Issue 341

Volume 30 - Number 1 (July 2022)

Exotic Magazine PDF - July 2022 Exotic Pinup

The Humble Jojo and the Pacific Northwest

by Wombstretcha

The Humble Jojo and the Pacific Northwest

A preface: I am from the Pacific Northwest, born and raised. An increasingly difficult thing to find, as most folks in the area are here seeking better lands to enjoy, as refugees from modest places in the Midwest or the East Coast, and horrible places like California. We enjoy only a few culturally native dishes, the things provided to settlers by the native tribes, who showed these weird, wagon-driving motherfuckers what to do now that they’d arrived.

The natives introduced to the palates of the wagon fools the tastes of salmon, mussels, scallops, shrimp, elk, and other larger game animals. Before agriculture was established on a large scale, there were still various plants and delightful things to satisfy the tastes of the newcomers, who had never seen such provender.

Naturally, the settlers had their own dishes and hybridized those things the tribes had taught them with things they found comforting from the homes they’d left to strike out for fortune in the Oregon Territory. Assuredly, this is how we got oyster shots. I don’t have authoritative proof on that one, but only people who rode on a wagon from the Midwest would be like, "Hey, what if we took this slimy thing and sucked it down raw with some sauce?"

While the older flavors of the land were eventually supplanted by more modern foods, as the logistics train got set up, and people started cultivating industrial fisheries, and salmon boats, and...clam guns? Well, we settled into the more modern pattern of existence. People built roads and avenues for commerce, stopped doing subsistence agriculture and fishing, and set into a network of associated industries that served the people who moved, in increasing numbers, to the Oregon Territory. In a decade or so, people had established cities, towns, and burgeoning industry. Much of that industry wasn’t foundries or mills, though timber, of course, was an important part of the growth of Oregon. No, it was fishers, hunters, farmers, and people using the rich, natural fauna of the land to sustain the people who had come to live there...

Nu National Anthems For A Nu Nation!

by Blazer Sparrow

Nu National Anthems For A Nu Nation!

Well. It’s that time of year again. Every fourth day of every seventh month, most cities and definitely every unwashed backwater of this Godforsaken nation partake in some gaudy imperial pageantry to celebrate some uppity, rich colonists’ uprising less than three centuries ago. I’m speaking, of course, of America’s Birthday since this is our fine publication’s July issue. Independence Day isn’t just the best Roland Emmerich film and possibly the best ensemble disaster film of all time; it is also what Canada’s pants and Mexico’s hat use as an excuse to celebrate that independence by blowing up a small part of it. RIP Apu. All jokes aside, this propaganda-laden holiday got me thinking about our current national anthem.

A quick history lesson...

Polerotica 2022 — Venus

interview by Bryan A. Bybee, photo by Hypnox

Polerotica 2022 — Venus

Before we start...congratulations! Your performance was incredible, and the theme was very unique! What led to your decision for the theme you chose?

Thank you! The idea was first brought up because of some roadkill I found by my house. It was a coyote and the first large animal I’ve ever skinned. My friend, Than Monk, was the brilliance behind the skin-walker idea. He knows I’m a very spiritual and primal person and suggested that I use my new fur for the costume. Unfortunately, I was not able to use that exact skin for this project due to not preserving it properly, so once I bought a new one, we were able to create the look for our skin-walker! A type of harmful witch who has the ability to turn into, possess, or disguise themselves as an animal. ...

Birdfacts!

by Esmeralda Rupp-Spangle

Birdfacts!

We all know the difference between "dog people" (magnanimous, outdoorsy, social, can walk up to a stranger with another dog and just say "Hi" without having a panic attack), "cat people" (introverted, like to wear oversized sweaters, books > human interaction, house smells weird), "outliers" (hedgehogs, guinea pigs, reptiles, amphibians, insects). These people are fine to be friends with, but, like...don’t get too close. Then there are "bird people." People who want to live with an animal that’s basically in the "terrible twos" forever. Additionally, they’ve got major neurosis, codependency to rival Kathy Bates in Misery, and pretty much just scream all the time. What sort of person wants to cohabitate with a small, mentally unstable dinosaur? No one that I want in my life, personally...

Erotic City

by Bryan A. Bybee & Barnaby Bandini

Erotic City

Local industry news and events...

Exotic Pin-Up

photos by Hypnox

Exotic Pin-Up

Featuring Polerotica 2022 Champion, Venus from Devils Point...

What Not to Do When Trying to Be Funny

by Hannah One Cup

What Not to Do When Trying to Be Funny

I started doing standup again this month. I’m not good. That is not to say that I’m terrible; however, there is a reason I am writing for this magazine and not seen on Comedy Central or some popular Netflix special. Most of the reason is my own crippling anxiety, and the rest, I blame on the fact that I can’t remember the punchline to a joke when put on the spot.

If you haven’t seen Boondock Saints, I’ll put it this way; I’m an 82-year-old man who thought his habits when he was younger would have caught up to him sooner than now, so is still left to man the bar that is his brain—sifting through the various mixes of jokes he has come up with or heard throughout the years, searching for the right ending to the story without mixing up the wrong people, places, or objects...

Polerotica Recap: The Finals

photos by Hypnox

Polerotica Recap: The Finals

Photos from the first three rounds...