This may sound like an entitled rant, as though these artists owe me or their fans anything. Well, it is. And they do. I am tired of waiting around for these long-anticipated follow-ups to drop. If ever there was an appropriate use of this platform, it is doing just this—using the non-titty space on these pages to demand content from artists who will probably never even know I exist.
Rest assured, it’s not just me. This is certainly the will of the people! I am merely their voice. There is documented evidence that all of these albums are either complete or—at some stage—close to completion. Yet we, the people, are given nothing...not even a promo single or an advance appearance on a racing game. This is an outrage! We have waited long enough. If someone knows these artists or someone who knows them, please shove this article in their face and demand answers!
It’s safe to say that we, as world citizens, have practically nothing to look forward to in 2024. There is a tragically high likelihood that we will be watching a debate between an 82-year-old Biden and a 78-year-old Trump. My guess is, that the price of rent and groceries isn’t going to plummet magically. Although ticket sales are indicating a light at the end of the tunnel, I’m gonna assume we’ll have several more Marvel “cinema” shoved down our throats next year. If we’re lucky in the Pacific Northwest, the big earthquake will hit, and at least we won’t have to go to work. All said, there simply isn’t anything 2024 has in store for "we the people" besides even more existential dread. These six album-hoarding artists can change that! They can give us something to look forward to!
Please, for the love of all that is holy, give these albums a goddamn 2024 release date! Turn this year around from the shit sandwich it’s shaping up to be!
Last year would’ve marked a ten-year gap between 2013’s m b v and My Bloody Valentine’s promised fourth record. A long stretch but much briefer than the twenty-two-year gap between the third record and 1991’s Loveless. But alas, no record. We know they’re working on it. Kevin Shields even mentioned that there are two possible records. One more straightforward album of melodic songs and another weirder experimental one. Well, where the hell are they, Kevin?! In a separate interview, he even said he doesn’t want to be in his 60s when the record comes out. Kevin Shields turned 60 last year. Time is up. Less attending Nobel Peace Prize ceremonies, more releasing the fourth goddamn record!
I have no evidence that production on this record has even started or that there’s a plan to make it, so blind leap of faith here. I’m going full-on cringe spiritual vision board manifest The Secret-ing here. The band, although inactive, is not broken up, and they’re all still making music in some form or another. Geoff Barrow has hinted at the existence of new material. Also, it’s been sixteen fucking years since their landmark third album, titled...Third. Since then, we’ve been graced with literally two songs: 2009’s surprisingly upbeat "Chase The Tear" and the second greatest cover of ABBA’s "SOS." For the greatest, catch your local boys Slam Piece, and you might be lucky enough to hear it. Unless Portishead is trying to beat My Bloody Valentine for the longest gap between records, I think Portishead would do well to give us their next release in 2024, thus reversing inflation and climate change by fixing this timeline.
In classic Mike, Adam, and Adam fashion, either there does actually exist an album’s worth of songs slated to be released as Hot Sauce Committee Part I, that was the original batch of songs for Hot Sauce Committee Part II, but then, for some reason, they decided to swap the songs on both albums and release Part II first—or they were just fucking with us. Although the latter is much more likely the real story, part of me wants to believe that there really is a Hot Sauce Committee Part I (which was originally the material for Part II) and Mike and not-dead Adam are just sitting on it, waiting for the right time to finally release it. Now is the time. Make 2024 not suck—please! If ever there was a way to honor Adam Yauch’s memory, it would be to give us the final Beastie Boys album. I realize this might be difficult if the album was never quite finished, especially with Yauch’s not-aliveness. However, in this day and age, that’s no excuse. For fuck’s sake, we got a Beatles song last year. I saw Tupac at Coachella in 2012. Nothing is real anymore.
I don’t care if Mr. Young is insecure and doesn’t think the album is good enough to be released. I also don’t believe that all the songs that were supposed to be on Detox were repurposed as 2015’s Compton. Maybe some, but that’s not Detox. Detox exists, and Dre is keeping it hidden. The people need it, Andre. Where is the album with "Kush," "I Need A Doctor," and "Under Pressure," even though Dre said that the last song wouldn’t be on the record after it leaked and no one liked it? I liked it. A Kraftwerk sample!? More please! What direction was this album going to go before Dre got cold feet? Compton is fine, but I feel like we didn’t get the third and final closing statement from one of hip-hop’s most revered elder statesmen.
The last Exploited album, and honestly, my favorite of theirs, Fuck The System, came out in 2003. 2013 came and went with no heroic comeback after a decade. Then 2023 came and went with no even more heroic comeback after two decades. If a child was born when their last album came out, that child can now legally buy booze. Come on, Wattie, what’s the hold-up? I know this album exists. They’ve mentioned it in interviews. They’ve posted about it. I’ve even seen some wordage stating that it’s "almost done" for...well, Jesus, two decades now. It’s either going to be their greatest album ever, or it’s going to be the biggest letdown in punk rock history. I can’t imagine what the obstacle is. Do they have the songs, but Wattie just can’t find lyrical inspiration? Or the other way around? Either way, Wattie is on his seventh or eighth heart attack. Eventually, one of them is gonna kill him, so they might as well drop this fucker before he drops. If ever there was a time for loud, angry, anti-establishment, anti-war, anti-authoritarianism, anti-racism, anti-sexism, anti-fascist punk rock, the time is now. The system has been fucked for some time now. What’s next, lads?
Sorry, no jokes here. Just an earnest plea. I just saw them in June, and a good portion of the setlist was dedicated to this unreleased new album. These new songs are fucking bangers. Sad bangers, but bangers nonetheless. Clearly, this record is either finished, or they’re just not happy with the mixes, or the master isn’t right, or they’re roadtesting the material like Radiohead did with In Rainbows, or fuck, I dunno, they’re waiting on clearance for a sample. Whatever the case—please, Robert, Simon, and the rest—give us this album. We are indeed a lost world, and we need these songs.
