It has been said by many memes and various social media postings that going into someone’s notes on their cellphone is a surefire way to determine that you know a lunatic or that you know next to nothing about how this person is alive every day.
From my own personal experience of doing this to myself, it’s a bit of an eye-opener for sure. Since, like most of you, I’m sure I do not simply delete my old notes from February of this year. Or notes from when I first opened my phone up. They all remain as tiny fragments of memories not otherwise caught on film.
There are so many notes in my cellphone with a blank title (meaning I never typed anything in there but forgot that I already had a blank note I could have typed in, so I made a whole new note) that I started correlating that with possible lapses of time where I was honestly left with a loss of words for reasons now unknown, most likely alcohol-induced or ADHD-related symptoms.
So what I would like to do now is try to reminisce about times now only kept in memory of my cellphone’s note application. Just over the last year, though. We won’t be going into any weird college stuff here.
Hyssop (Feb 3) – I purchased some hyssop from a neat apothecary here in Portland to give myself a spiritually cleansing bath because just two months earlier, I had broken my ankle, and my house was broken into. So I was pretty positive someone was cursing me and doing all these bad things. I refuse to take responsibility for my knees and ankles not doing what they were supposed to. Enter: Hyssop.
Box of matches (Feb 11) – I was doing some tests to see how cursed my partner and I were. It turns out we weren’t cursed, and it was my ankle and knee’s fault all along. I still don’t like it.
7433, 7 (Feb 18) – I have no idea what these numbers mean, which scares me.
(2/26/2023) (Feb 26) – So yeah, I made a title be the day I wrote the note as if I’d forget what day it was. Click on that, and apparently, I went to Fred Meyers to buy the fixings for Thai green curry. I’m sure it was delicious.
(3/16/2023) (Mar 16) – Again, afraid I would forget what day it was, I apparently made a note to purchase pears, mayo, and mustard. I don’t know if I did this or what these were used for if I did.
Dad’s head circumference 23” (Mar 23) – Yes, I know my father’s head circumference. I also know he wants a "newsboy" style hat. It won’t look great on him. He should want another style, but I’m a good daughter, so I’m getting him this hat. Nine months later.
Hair dye and color oops (Jun 1) – Like I was preparing for mistakes being made that day. I bought both, and just as I predicted, I used both in that order.
I be keepin’ the hydrated poster (Jul 16) – I don’t know if this was an idea for a poster I had or why I wrote this. This is another enigma that will go unanswered in my life. Maybe I’ll make a poster...
Cooked shrimp (Aug 16) – I have a healthy obsession with seafood. The easiest way for me to ingest this source of protein is in those plastic containers filled with delicious pink shrimp at the grocery store. You can bet your ass I did not need this note and, indeed, did purchase this.
I looked forward to cooking with you so... (Aug 22) – This is actually a very long draft of a text message I had sent to a friend in regards to missing the times we had eons ago, before life, relationships, alcohol, and unspoken emotions created a significant rift between us. I still try to whistle at them on top of the mountain, like they do in that mountainous region of Mexico, just to see if they can hear me. I hope so. I do miss them.
I just heard someone say I hate being lied to (Sep 10) – And inside, the note also reads: “I am eclecticly popular, and my sense of humor is prehistoric.” How are you feeling about yourself today? Good? Good. Me too...
If you changed the font in movies, how would it...(Oct 28) –...change the feel? Like, think “PULP FICTION” instead of “Pulp Fiction.” I don’t know. I just kind of picture a more Driving Miss Daisy sort of feel to that movie title.
When you have ADHD and people ask why...(Dec 1) – This opened up a thought I remembered to type in my notes and do nothing with. A musing about how having ADHD provides me the ability to have a vast amount of knowledge of many things, but only half the facts. This is typically due to having a lot of varying interests in unrelated topics and then opening up new tabs on those topics in both my phone and computer browser(s). In total, I have approximately 115 tabs open, with a lot of articles I had planned on fully reading at one point.
Buttons for Bob (Dec 3) – We recently received these buttons that allow you to record words on them and allow your dog to talk to you, initiating whatever behavior it is that is to come after pressing a button. You will no longer have to worry about whether your dog likes you or not or any other silly thoughts you think your dog cares about. Now you can have a button for that! What will get pressed more? The “Mommy” button? Or “Daddy?” “Skritches?” “Murder?” (for a lot of crows, obviously). Our dog Bob now knows six buttons and learned them in less than two days. It’s scary. My dog’s thoughts are probably more profound than mine. I need to get more buttons to find out. It’s like having an Ouija board, but instead of having a demon haunt you, you will fall asleep hearing the sound of "play," "play," and "play" going through your mind all night. You’ve now Pavlov’ed yourself. This was the dogs’ plan all along.
Shoes (Dec 3) – A lot was purchased on the 3rd. I went to the mall and bought a pair of shoes from what I think is the 21st-century Payless since Payless doesn’t really exist here anymore. The shoes were 20 dollars and worth every penny, and not a penny more. At the end of the night of wearing these, my feet knew true agony and wished to be chopped off. My partner purchased himself a felt top hat, and after reviewing his fancy Italian suit, tie, shoes, and hat, I declared him to be the most expensive object in our house. My shoes were 20 dollars, their brand unknown to me, and I made my own headdress for 12 dollars, thanks to the dollar store. We then attended the Vespertine Ball, where we saw some fancy aerial stunts and belly dancing. My head skewers were only used for cheese, not meat.
Based on my notes in my phone, my year hasn’t been the most eventful, and if you were to just look at the titles to the notes, you’d just see a lot of lists of random items and my dad’s head circumference, which leaves a lot to be desired. But isn’t that a bit like everyone’s year? Let’s try to make this year a bit more memorable. Remember to add your notes and make sure you forget to delete them. Get more than your dad’s head circumference in there. Get your friend’s baby weight, eye width, tooth size...
Hannah One Cup can be found measuring her friends’ and family’s teeth with a pediatric measuring tape and placing that measurement in her notes for future use. Her dog now knows the button for "Idiot," so do what you will with that.
