The Winter Victim Olympics will feature an all-star cast of liberals, competing against other liberals, at the expense of every group they claim to speak on behalf of. Join us, as we tune in...
Liberals are just as quick to apologize for things as we are to become outraged over them. You’re not gonna see too many Trump supporters turning on their man for making misogynistic comments, but if Stephen Colbert makes an intentionally-ironic, in-context joke regarding Asian people (that actually defends them, while satirically poking fun at ignorant racists), he ends up apologizing in the face of a #CancelColbert hashtag. Much of what the left wants to accuse the right-wingers of—but cannot because of extenuating circumstances (facts, statistics, logic, etc.)—we end up tossing in each others’ faces. It’s like a pissing contest of sorts, trying to one-up each other, in not-so-passive-aggressive displays of in-fighting. Further, we usher in our own worst enemies. Hitler won because of the female vote (Google it), so it only makes sense that progressives will be destroyed by liberals; in the realm of politics, we are usually the architects of our own demise.
The accusation of cultural appropriation falls into this category, because it is usually a crime brought against one liberal by another (save for lengthy columns penned by porn magazine writers). As opposed to, say, racism or homophobia—crimes which the left rarely accuses each other of, regardless of how ironically guilty we are of indirectly endorsing them—cultural appropriation is similar to privilege-checking, in that only leftists will bother with complacency. So, save for Native headdresses worn by drunk EDM sluts at Coachella, or blackface parties hosted by campus chapters of Future Klansman Of America, if you hear about "cultural appropriation," it’s likely going to be in an article written by Gawker bloggers, for Gawker bloggers. Rachel Dolezal, the white girl who pretended to be black for decades (so she could steal college money from African-American women) and Shaun King (the 3/4thswhite, self-proclaimed face of #BlackLivesMatter) are both excellent examples of this phenomenon.
However, aside from self-imposed racial ambiguity, the Twitter celebrities mentioned above share something else in common: professional victimhood. Now, I’m not saying that Shaun King deserved to be assaulted, nor am I implying that his assault was not racially motivated. What I am saying, is that Shaun King and Rachel Dolezal’s equally shameful notoriety was founded on profiting from victimhood (and, in the case of Dolezal, imagined victimhood). Perhaps—and hear me out, fellow lefties—there is something deeper than "I love Tribe Called Quest, wanna get soul food from Cartlandia later on?" going on in the heads of confused white liberals. Possibly...just possibly...us white (or mostly white) folk have figured out that hate crimes are the new hip hop and we are all living on 8 Mile Road, while waiting for Jessie Jackson to offer us a deal.
Professional victimhood is big business. Just ask Anita Sarkeesian, a self-proclaimed "non-gamer" turned self-proclaimed "gamer since a young age" turned victim of "online bullying" turned near-millionaire, thanks to money raised for a series of yet-to-be-produced YouTube videos set to expose tropes of women in video games (because if women need money for anything in a Trump-bound America, it’s funding to prevent Lara Croft from having round breasts). Or, Melody Hensley, a woman who compared her experience of being commented at (I refuse to use the word "harassment" in cases where a power button is all that separates oneself from their attacker) to that of combat veterans with PTSD. Again, what do both of these cases have in common, besides professional victimhood? Cultural appropriation. Only, instead of dreadlocks and headdresses, we’re talking about (sub)cultures that are associated with a particular handicap, grievance or otherwise victim-ready status.
Gamer culture (read: Asperger’s and social awkwardness) and PTSD (the kind acquired overseas with a rifle in your hand and a dead friend on your back) were co-opted by self-proclaimed activists. Fuck Halloween costumes, the left decides to go all out and co-opt entire cultures. In a nutshell, Anita Sarkeesian stormed into a cave with a plus one dagger, expecting to get a few thousand XP from simply button-mashing against orcs, only to get pwned by zergs, but she wouldn’t understand that analogy, because she’s not a fucking gamer. Melody Hensley would spend about two hours in ‘Nam, before turning around and begging to return to the land of retweets and rape threats (which are no laughing matter, but statistically less likely to be followed through with than terrorist threats made by Amish teens). One person’s trauma becomes another person’s income, while any attempt to negate such behavior is instantly met with buzzwords (I, for instance, am now an "insensitive cis male pig" for suggesting that going to battle and logging in to an app are not the same thing).
Co-opting, in the case of professional victimhood, is done without consequence (and, often times, with reinforcement from in-group peers). In fact, it’s almost as if there’s some "privilege" that needs to be "checked" or something. Cops won’t pull Rachel Dolezal over for driving after dusk and Anita Sarkeesian will never spend her night alone, crying into an empty bag of Cheetos while ashing cigarettes into a half-empty two-liter of Mountain Dew. Melody Hensley won’t end up committing suicide because of what @ DipshitEggBot said about third-wave feminists and, if Shaun King is related to Rodney, he’d know better than to turn the #BLM movement into an ad revenue funnel, fueled by false identity politics.
What’s worse...co-opting a culturally-specific style of hair and music, or adopting a lived experience that one cannot truly empathize with? What, for instance, hurts the black community more...busting a rhyme at karaoke, or taking the spotlight during local news stories about police brutality, because my great-great-great-great-great-uncle was one-sixteenth black? Or, more specifically, if we’re gonna shine a much-needed spotlight on violence against women, how many trailer park wives with black eyes are going to wonder, "Gee, if only Grand Theft Auto Online was banned...then Early wouldn’t beat my ass every time he ran out of whiskey."
In the previous Left Behind column, I addressed the gender hypocrisy, i.e. the notion that one can merely "identify" as their choice of dozens and dozens of made-up genders, which goes directly against the "born this way" science that supports a genetic component to sexual preference. In other words, the concept of "choosing to be (fill in the blank)" rings harmonious with early 90s Baptist bigots, not late 70s San Francisco gays. And, claiming to discover, at the age of 42, that you "identify" as cat-gender is basically a slap in the face to every trans kid being bullied by their peers.
So, with this column, I suggest that co-opting victimhood is yet another example of the left gone wrong. The Venn diagram between definitions of "ally’ and "enemy" contains a blonde girl in dreadlocks, explaining to her Latino maid why she should never vote Republican. This is where you will find professional victimhood, next to a white chick posting about the wage gap on Facebook, while Martina the maid wipes down her laptop screen for pennies on the hour.
Put simply, the easiest way for the dominant class (which includes white, female activists) to diffuse privilege, is by identifying as a victim, thus removing all notion of social responsibility. It’s much easier to accuse someone else of racism/misogyny/etc. than it is to stop contributing to it.
Whenever a first-year college student compares her aging professor’s creepy smile to rape, she causes one more campus officer’s eyes to roll the next time an actual sexual assault charge is called in. Every time a man dawns eyeliner to fuck a woman, a teenager in Texas is lynched for talking with a lisp. And as far as Feminists Against Islamaphobia, well, that’s right up there with Jews For Hitler (read the goddamn text before you preach it). The bottom line is that assumed victimhood lends itself to actual victimhood, indirectly aimed at the group from which said assumed victimhood was co-opted. In other words, every time a Portland activist camps outside of an Apple store to protest the man, he’s reminding homeless people that it’s only okay to sleep outdoors if you’re doing so for an article in the Portland Mediocrity.
When your gluten-free, safe space diner prices out the black neighbors, you’re doing it wrong.
I’m not gonna defend the Redskins or drunk chicks who wear warpaint to Coldplay festivals. However, I will point out that Native Americans and other indigenous people were wiped out through a process of white-washing, cultural cleansing, co-opting and assimilation at the hands of the dominant class—the exact mechanisms by which modern liberals co-opt legitimate victimhood and make it into a career path.
Before you take to social media to "raise awareness" about a so-called oppression that conveniently fits your skewed, bubble-raised narrative, ask yourself if you’re raising more followers, donations or eyebrows than you are awareness.
Next month, I’ll be talking to you bitches about the word police.
