Erotic City

Goddamnit, it’s gonna be summer soon and I’m still rocking a one-pack with the man boobs to match. I guess this means another year without the beach body...may as well drink a pint and enjoy some Portland titty bar action.

New Clubs Poppin’ Up

You know what I love about Portland? We get new strip clubs all the time! Guilty Pleasures (13639 SE Powell Blvd) opened last month, with a grand opening weekend that featured performances from Miss Exotic 2018, Annie, as well appearances by many other industry regulars, ranging from some of our area’s best bartenders, to our most talented dancers. I personally enjoy clubs that reside on the outskirts of the city limits for many reasons, and Guilty Pleasures is a great example. First, neighborhood-area clubs tend to develop groups of regular customers that end up being just as much of a staple as the dancers—downtown clubs are a blast, but the crowds are often first-timers, tourists, etc. East of 82nd, on the other hand, you’re gonna run into some genuinely cool characters— on and off stage. Second, sometimes it’s nice to patronize strippers in a more discreet location than, say, two doors down from the club your wife is having her girls’ night out at. Parking between a bar-cade and a food cart isn’t exactly the best plan for dodging a jealous girlfriend, at least in a mini-city as small as Portland.

The same area of town, SE Portland, now welcomes The Main Attraction (13550 SE Powell Blvd), which is located in the same building that once housed King’s. A grand opening function for this club, An Evening With The Stars, is going down on Saturday, May 12, with DJs Dick Hennessy, Pussyfoot and Kegals joining a dozen or so Portland-famous dancers. On that note, if you haven’t caught up with Pussyfoot, you’re missing out—and this is coming from a guy who considers himself one of the best strip club DJs in the area (I mean, to be fair, any DJ is gonna call themselves the best, but still...). Check out dates and locations in the calendar at the end of this column. Next up, Grind (15826 SE Division St) will be opening up later this month, in a location that is also already prepped for a strip club. They are currently hiring staff, so if it’s time to move on from your current club, consider inquiring with the club, in regards to available shifts and audition times. This is like Christmas in Tittyland—new clubs opening up all month long! Who says Portland doesn’t make progress?

Once Again, Lucky Devil Is Not A Garage

Speaking of SE Powell Blvd, it would be really fantastic if Portland treated the Ross Island Bridge like any other no-center-divider-having, dangerous-as-fuck, bicyclists-beware death trap. I mean, the city turned the Sellwood Bridge into something that resembles a Vancouver, B.C. landscape and spent god-only-knows how much on a fucking pedestrian bridge leading from John’s Landing to the east bank, but Ross Island still looks like something from Fallout: New Portland. For reasons most likely related to this, Lucky Devil—an otherwise cozy, relaxed and upscale lounge—was the target of yet another truck-drove-into-the-building incident, which could be easily prevented with a few tax dollars, dedicated toward a guardrail and/or sidewalk. I believe this has happened approximately four dozen times over the course of the last few years.

Again noting the lack of planning that Portland put into everything south of Division, the stretch of road leading from SE Powell Blvd onto the bridge has zero dividers, guardrails, signs or other preventative measures. Perhaps—and, hear me out here, because this is a radical idea—we could spend some tax money on something other than two-lane bike paths or light rail that connects East West Linn to West West Linn. Hell, why not melt that metal nut sack across from Powell’s Books and turn it into an art exhibit, titled "Powell’s First Guard Rail"? I don’t know what else to say, but please— stop driving drunk and stop driving into Lucky Devil. For fuck’s sake, Jack In The Box has a drive-thru and greasy drunk food to sober your ass up after the clubs close.

Misguided SESTA & FOSTA Bills Threaten Sex Workers

When it comes down to actually enacting legislation or voting on things that affect people’s livelihood, factors such as party affiliation and ideological sentiment are tossed out the window. Right, left, green or red, everyone in power wants to fuck the little guy. So, what do Donald "Grab ‘Em By The Pussy" Trump and Bernie "Free College For Your Entire Band" Sanders have in common? They both signed the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act and Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (SESTA & FOSTA)— a package of bills that will all but destroy the livelihood of anyone who uses digital media to post about sex (because, ya know, podcast hosts and child sex traffickers are so closely aligned).

We assigned our fantastic writer, Ericka Rachelle Mendoza, to take on some actual journalism, as she does a great job of covering SESTA/FOSTA— peep the article on page 30, if you want the details. But, in short, if a digital content provider facilitates the distribution of anything that could be considered sexual in nature, said provider is now breaking a law. The SESTA/FOSTA bills are worded and presented in a way that implies sex workers are benefiting from the bill—the same way that the "pro-life" folks ignore other peoples’ right to live their lives, or "Christian Science" serves as a forum to watch children die of easily preventable diseases.

This tactic—Orwellian abuse of language in order to impact law—is not new. But, the general public has a serious lack of awareness, particularly when it comes to sex work. Further, while many are seeing this as an issue of sexual freedom, I am seeing a larger trend unfold here— one in which both sides of a tired debate are being bamboozled into giving up their own rights. Free speech means free speech. The second you add an asterisk to this statement, you willingly relinquish your own rights, as the powers in charge of policing communication will eventually come for you. I bet that many of the same people who are negatively affected by SESTA/FOSTA have, at one point, endorsed the policing of other forms of communication or language that they do not agree with.

If you look back, the process of outlawing Group B’s right to free expression is usually preceded by the easily endorsed removal of Group A’s right to free expression. For instance, take the phrase "hate speech." I mean, how could anyone condone "hate," right? Okay, so we’re all in agreement that Pepe memes should be outlawed, yes? We all agree that the phrase "boys and girls" is cis-gendered hate, yes? We should totally ban that alt-right speaker from attending a panel, right? Cool...now, let’s just sweep other stuff under the same "hate speech" rug like, oh...sex talk, feminist issues, topics of concern to transgender people...oh, what’s that, you say? Now that our group is being affected, the narrative changes? Sorry to break it to you, but everyone is equal, remember?

Free speech is an all or none battle. End of story. If you have ever, for any reason, championed the censorship of communication, you have no right to complain when your own voice is silenced.

But, we’re not talking about shitposting or memes, here—we’re talking the physical safety of real, actual human beings. Once sex workers are banned from representing themselves in safe, legal, digital forums, say hello to the black market. Pimps don’t play by the rules—sex workers in fear for their own safety do. By reading this publication, you’re likely a sex worker, a friend of a sex worker or a supporter of sex work. Consider the implications of such a vague law, governing the communication of topics related to sexuality, as well as the impact it would have on the LGBT and transgender communities, survivors of sexual assault, etc. Consider the fact that these new laws will likely harm those they are intended to protect (again, turn to page 30 for Ericka’s article on the bills). This is, ironically, an issue that conservatives, liberals and libertarians can all agree on: personal freedom and the ownership over one’s own body, whether to be shared to be saved— it shouldn’t be up to the government to parent us.

If you don’t think it could happen to you, take a look at this screen shot, courtesy of UnzippedPDX podcaster and stripper extraordinaire, Elle Stanger, in which a Facebook post was removed due to "inappropriate sexual content"—over a hashtag that implied sending of nudes...

What can you do about SESTA/FOSTA? Well, at this point, nothing...other than making sure you don’t keep digging your own grave by protesting this and censoring that. The cost of quality sex workers may be a few shitty memes. Personally, I say it’s worth it in the end. But, if we don’t do something, the phrase "worth it in the end" will land me in trouble, as it may imply an exchange of Bitcoin for booty.

Polerotica Wraps Up This Month!

On a much, much more positive note, there is no piece of legislation in the universe that can stop Polerotica. Leading up to the finals at Dante’s on Saturday, May 26, audiences will witness the best-of-the-best in pole dancing compete for the chance to take home the championship. Along with DJ Dick Hennessy’s Motorbooty twerking contest, you have a month’s worth of naked competitions to witness, three new clubs to check out, and if my estimates are correct, about six more weeks of sunshine. Enjoy it while you can.

THU 3—KIT KAT CLUB—POLEROTICA ROUND V
THU 3—SUN 6—THE GOLD CLUB — CINCO DE MAYO WEEKEND CELEBRATION
FRI 4—KIT KAT CLUB—STAR WARS CABARET
FRI 4—SCARLET LOUNGE—DJ DICK HENNESSY’S MOTORBOOTY CONTEST (OPENING NIGHT)
SAT 5—CABARET & MYSTIC GENTLEMEN’S CLUB— CINCO DE MAYO PARTY
WED 9—CLUB SINROCK—THREE’S COMPANY— (DJ PUSSYFOOT, DJ DICK HENNESSY & KEGELS)
FRI 11—THE GOLD CLUB—POLEROTICA ROUND VI
SAT 12—EYE CANDY FASHIONS—GRAND OPENING
SAT 12—MIKE BRASS’S THE MAIN ATTRACTION— GRAND OPENING FUNCTION W/ THREE’S COMPANY
WED 16—SPYCE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB (UPSTAIRS)—THREE’S COMPANY
THU 17—STARS CABARET (BEND)—STORMY DANIELS
FRI 18—CHEETAHS (SALEM) — BOTTOMLESS PARTY/HYPNOX & MADDI RAY’S B—DAY BASH
FRI 18—STARS CABARET (SALEM)—STORMY DANIELS
SAT 19—REVEAL LOUNGE—SPRING FLING CONTEST
SAT 19—STARS CABARET (BRIDGEPORT)—STORMY DANIELS
SAT 19—MIKE BRASS’S THE MAIN ATTRACTION— DJ DICK HENNESSY’S MOTORBOOTY CONTEST (FINAL PRELIM)
THU 24—CLUB SINROCK— DJ DICK HENNESSY’S MOTORBOOTY CONTEST (FINALS)
FRI 25—SKINN—CONTEST NIGHT
FRI 25—THE NIGHT DEPOSIT & SUGAR SHACK (SALEM)— THREE’S COMPANY
FRI 25—TOMMY’S TOO—DAISY DUKE CONTEST
SAT 26—DANTE’S—POLEROTICA FINALS
SAT 26—DEVILS POINT—VINCENT’S 25TH BIRTHDAY PARTY
SAT 26—DREAM ON SALOON—STAR WARS PARTY