A photograph emerged a while ago on social media, portraying two allegedly Islamic men dangling what was said to be a gay man, over a building, somewhere in a war-torn country that we’re probably bombing for oil. The photograph went semi-viral, and both Racist Robby and Woke Wendy (names changed to protect Facebook users) were out in full force. Robby rotated between anti-gay and anti-Muslim comments, as was to be expected. "Who cares, these are just [slurs] tossing a [slur] off a building for being a [slur]?" Typical piece-of-shit response from a piece of shit. However, Woke Wendy’s comments were equally disturbing, as she suggested that the two Islamic men were actually "attempting to stop the gay man from committing suicide."
In reality, the photograph was of two modern-day extremists who follow an ancient belief system, preparing to throw a man to his death, because of who he has sex with. As someone who removes identity politics from my moral compass, this is not hard to see. Most people are with me here.
But, because the photograph lacked a clear, identity-politics-friendly narrative, cultists from the alt-right and far left had a hard time processing what was actually going on in the photograph—if Racist Robby were to attack the Islamic men, he’d be forced to defend the gay man. On the same token (pun intended), if Woke Wendy were to defend the gay man from being the target of a hate crime, she’d be seen as "Islamaphobic," which is a big no-no in the far-left circles.
So, I am proposing that identity politics—both of the left-leaning and the alt-right-or-whatnot variety—are not only erroneous when practiced by any side, but virtually identical in nature. Beyond the history of sharing the exact same arguments against, say, certain types of movies, video games and music, if stripped down to their basic components, i.e. personality defects, Racist Robby and Woke Wendy share more in common than not. Don’t believe me? Here are five things that cultists on both sides of the identity politics aisle share in common...
Okay, this one is simple, but we’ve gotta start with the basics.
Racist Robby thinks that his tribe, "white people," are superior to other tribes, which is why he hates other races. Woke Wendy also thinks that the white people tribe are superior to other races, but she takes it one step further and includes people with a dick, at the cost of swapping pride for guilt. Thus, her "tribe" becomes "anyone who opposes the straight, white male." Both of these two perspectives rely on a tribal mentality to begin with, but the roads diverge in two very different directions.
For Robby, well, he’s a well-documented stereotype that we’ve all become familiar with. Of course, he prefers to stay with "his own" and turns every discussion toward the topic of white supremacy, how "blacks are ruining things" and/or "immigrants taking jobs." Pretty basic stuff you can get from any Ignorance & Things corner store. Robby sees every white person as part of his tribe, even though most whites have never shared any more than three words with Robby, which are usually "fill on regular" or "Camel Lights, please." Robby believes that no white man can do any wrong, unless he’s gay/non-Christian/liberal/etc. However, Robby is also the dictionary definition of "failure" in nearly every aspect of his life, but more on that later.
Wendy, on the other hand, is a similar-but-different type of separatist. She believes in a never-ending totem pole of hierarchical oppression that looks eerily like Robby’s, right down to the a person of a specific race and gender (straight, white guy, in this case) on top. However, Wendy feels as if anyone who isn’t part of Robby’s tribe (the oppressors) are part of her tribe (the victims). Wendy believes that no woman/person-of-color/non-hetero-white-male can do any wrong, as their circumstance is the fault of the white-male-hetero patriarchy. Wendy further hammers this point in, with buzzword-laden concepts like "internalized racism" or "systemic oppression" to justify the presence of people who don’t toe the tribal line, i.e. black Republicans or gay Christians.
Regardless of the tribe, both Robby and Wendy rely on portraying their tribe as the most oppressed, in order to sustain their narrative. To do this, both parties rely on their own respective conspiracies, whether it be "Blacks and Jews" or "Straight White Guys and Republicans." This brings us to our next element, known as...
For the bigot on the right, this is a pretty easy phenomenon to identify because it’s so obvious. Bank closed for MLK Day? "Blacks taking everything." Bank closed on Veteran’s Day? "Good on the bank for supporting the troops." Gang shooting in Compton? "Blacks ruin everything." Mass shooting by a white guy at a movie theater? "This has nothing to do with race." Cop shoots unarmed black teen? "He should have just obeyed the law." Cop arrests white meth dealer? "Don’t you have bigger problems to be taking care of?" Rinse and repeat, as this is pretty basic ignorance that you can find at any flea market that sells knives and flags.
Now, for Woke Wendy and her friends, it’s the same shit—but, a remastered version, updated to be more inclusive of women and minorities. Didn’t get the job? "This place discriminates against women." Got the job? "Women are naturally better at this job than men." Movie starring black actor gets low reviews? "Racism." Movie starring white actor gets great reviews? "Racism." Mediocre movie starring a boring woman gets less-than-stellar reviews? "Rape culture." Swedish police tell women not to go out late at night, due to sudden spike in sexual assault from immigrant population who shares none of the same values as the hosting country? "Cultural enrichment." Weekly report of powerful man being accused of sexual assault by someone he met once in an elevator ten years ago? "False reports are rare. Believe all women." Video footage on six dozen cameras of Johnny Depp’s wife beating the absolute shit out of him, without a drop of fighting back from Depp himself? "There’s probably more to the story and we should hear both sides before rushing to judgment."
The takeaway here is that both Robby and Wendy see themselves as victims, and like CNN or Fox News, they can each see the exact same thing and report two vastly different conclusions, to fit their own, unique victim narrative. For instance, if Donald Trump found a cure for HIV, Robby would be offended that Trump "pandered to the homos," instead of building a Mexico wall, while Wendy would take offense that Trump is "STI status shaming" people with AIDS, by suggesting they need a cure. Neither side would be like "Yay, no more HIV!" because, well, each have...
Racist Robby believes that white people should only breed with other white people, in order to keep white people white and "supreme." Sure, science proves how, when interracial couples breed, weak genes get bred out of the pool, and from an evolutionary stance, race mixing is how we left caves and ended up in air-conditioned offices. Yet, there Robby is, fucking his third cousin and expecting to give birth to a "superior" baby. Beyond that, computer simulations have shown, that the most attractive model—male or female—out of a group of photos of models from various ethnic backgrounds is, you guessed it...a photo morph of all the other models. Whether according to physical science or social science, race mixing is not only safe, but beneficial to the "superiority" of the children that it produces. I put quotes there, because I’m not really implying that attractive people with good genes are "superior" to others, but if we’re using Hitler logic here, then everything Robby has heard is wrong. Inbreeding bad, Nicole Richie good. That’s just facts, when it comes to genetics.
Woke Wendy’s approach to beauty standards and gender roles is just as narrative-dictated as Robby’s, but it relies on an entirely different set of delusions to dismiss biology. Wendy believes that a secret club of cis white men decide what is considered attractive, before brainwashing other men into believing this and forcing women to adapt in the process. Wendy also believes that men give a fuck if a woman wears the same outfit for two days in a row or sweatpants on a date, and that men, not women, are the ones pushing expensive lip gloss and fake nails. Now, for a dose of reality—beauty standards may be disproportionately pushed by companies that exploit the sexuality and insecurity of women (which is caused mostly by other women), sure...that’s called marketing. But, standards of what most straight guys find sexy haven’t really changed since, oh, ever. Hip-to-waist ratio goes back to the dinosaur days. A woman’s ability to reproduce is reflected in her physical appearance. Most men find signs of youth and fertility attractive for the same reason that most women find signs of resources attractive. This is why there’s not a thriving market for women-under-thirty speed dating or a season of The Bachelor dedicated to Jeff from the vape shop.
Instinct says, to every type of organism in the history of time, that (most...not all, but most) males desire fertility, while females desire resources. While this is basic and simple for most people to understand, it’s "hate speech" to Woke Wendy. Right off the bat, she brings up "transphoboia" and "hetero-normativity," which is ironic, because the "not all" argument is considered a trigger to her, in any other circumstance. Wendy uses ten percent of the population as a smokescreen to dismiss the remaining ninety percent, the latter group she actually belongs to. Further, this would only demonstrate that Wendy hasn’t read up on the studies, which show that gay people actually echo the data associated with straight people of the same sex—if you wonder why there’s a joke about lesbians moving in on the third date (pooling of resources) or why gay bars are full of over-sexed men who appreciate smooth skin and tight butts (youth and fertility), it’s because science, genetics and biology are real (Wendy also doesn’t pause to think about how transphobic it actually is to deny trans people the right to associate certain hormone treatments with certain genders—but, that’s a topic for an entirely different column).
So, the point here should be pretty clear—both the white supremacist and the radical, woke left completely ignore biology, as it threatens their ideology. Hey, that rhymed! More importantly, though, the idea that the world should behave in accordance with one’s own skewed view of it, is a sign of...
Racist Robby blames all of his problems on hypothetical "illegal Mexicans stealing jobs" and won’t move to the city for work, because of "black people committing crime." Yet, Robby’s driver’s license is expired and he has no problem selling meth for a living to avoid paying taxes or child support. Thus, he is up in arms over "illegals." This is called projection, i.e. the act of seeing assumed (in this case, negative) qualities in others that reflect one’s own shortcomings. Instead of owning up to one’s own failures, it’s simply easier to take out resentment for said failures by focusing on the failures of other groups. So, Robby hates minorities because he assumes that, like him, most people will naturally resort to crime and working the system. In reality, a black stockbroker threatens Robby’s existence far more than a gang banger does, because the former challenges Robby’s racist beliefs. Robby will go back and forth between "black people are dumb criminals" and "that computer programmer only got hired because he was black" in two beers’ time, demonstrating that projection, not logic, dictates his hatred of non-whites.
Woke Wendy, on the other hand, is ashamed that she has it so well. So, instead of projecting her own shortcomings onto others, as is the case with Racist Rob, Woke Wendy projects the oppression of others onto herself, in an attempt to deflect or downplay her own privilege. It’s no wonder that white, liberal activists are among the whitest, most well-off and homogenous demographics—guilt is a bitch. So, Wendy is suddenly a "victim of the system" that’s holding back "women everywhere." Thus, Wendy aligns herself with [insert literally any marginalized group here] and their struggles, further cementing a bond between her and those she wishes to siphon oppression status from. Capitalism is evil, of course, as Woke Wendy would have had a much better childhood, had she grown up in the ghetto, with a single mother and limited resources. To Wendy, being part of the victim class allows her to avoid oppressor status—such a scenario allows Wendy to sleep at night...the same way that socialist politicians who fly private jets and drink Starbucks openly demonize the idea of capitalism.
Both Wendy and Robby are self-hating failures who project their own internal shortcomings onto others. Robby simply hates achievers...excuse me, minorities, while Wendy hates anyone who looks like her dad...excuse me, white guys. This is due to a severe...
While Robby is a racist who is convinced that Mexicans are a bigger threat than the tweakers two doors down from his own house, part of this comes from a lack of real-world experience. Robby has clearly never lived in L.A.—a place where many documented Mexican immigrants vote Republican, just like Robby does (this also confuses Wendy, but we’ll tackle her in a second). This is part of the reason that Racist Robby refuses to leave his bubble—in short, reality often disproves stereotypes. Every racist has "one of the good ones" for a "black friend," without realizing that said black friend is actually more representative of black people, as a whole, than what their bigoted ideology has taught him. Even people who defy stereotypes at the expense of their own people (i.e. fat, lazy Asians or sober Irish people) don’t exist to Racist Robby, because everyone is supposed to fit into their assigned stereotype.
Woke Wendy also suffers from this, but from the other side: she assumes that every member of a minority group is an innocent angel, until they are introduced to the evil, white male patriarchy. So, while the white supremacist is wrong to believe that all black people live in ghettos and belong to gangs, it is equally ignorant for the woke-and-ignorant Woke Wendy to assume that she won’t get car-jacked if she drives through the east side of Detroit with her car window down, blaring Macklemore and waving at "people of color" from her pink BMW. Further, when Wendy decides that she is a strong ally to the black community, thanks to her #BLM stickers and Obama shirt, she is shocked to learn that certain members of the black community don’t vibe with her anti-Christianity attitudes. Wendy also doesn’t have a way to explain why debris from the institution of slavery is still harming the black community (it is). At the same time, however, she willfully ignores the residual harm caused by Democrats, who went door-to-door in the post-civil-rights era, trying to break up black families in a sleazy attempt to obtain voters (they did).
Beyond basic tribalism, both the alt-right and the far left are guilty of not even understanding the tribes they align themselves with. Redneck Robby speaks on behalf of the working class and unions, while collecting unemployment and/or going job to job, getting fired for "dumb shit" or because the boss is a [insert ethnic slur here]. Meanwhile, Wendy endorses "opportunities for minorities" from the comfort of her $100,000-per-year dorm room situated two blocks from the ghetto, which she shares with an Asian man who had to score ten percent higher than his classmates on admission tests, because of measures to ensure "equal opportunity" that are endorsed by Wendy and other progressive students. Neither Robby nor Wendy realize that they are, effectively, in the same group(s) as the opponents to their supposed causes. This leads Robby to blame "illegals on welfare" for his situation, while Wendy is busy taking opportunities from the "people of color" she claims to support.
Much like Racist Robby believes that "If it ain’t white, it ain’t right," Woke Wendy believes that "If it ain’t white, it needs to align with every one of my values and political beliefs." Whereas Racist Robby sees his black friend as "one of the good ones," Woke Wendy has blocked at least two gay Jews from Twitter for being "alt-right Nazis." Basically, both Racist Robby and Woke Wendy believe that [insert group here] are all great people, but [insert a different group here] are to blame for the world’s problems, because neither one has ever left their bubble.
This list would be nine pages long if I wasn’t trying to fill up space between ads for strip clubs, in a magazine that shouldn’t be printing political rants. The bottom line is that I see no difference between Nazis and SJWs, far-right and far-left, the racist kid from the auto parts store and the granola girl at Whole Foods...you get the gist. Yet, I never get a chance to let them know, because each of these kids does their best to keep the outside world at bay. "No Coloreds Allowed" and "Comments Are Disabled For This Video" are the same shit, in my book. Whether someone is a self-identified bigot, or someone who identifies everyone else as bigots, the bottom line is that identity politics is fucking cancer. Hatred is hatred, regardless of whatever flag you’re wrapping it in.
If this column offended you, good—it was meant to. Otherwise, thanks for reading.
