Well, it’s been nearly half a year since Oregon clubs were told that we might be shutting down for a week or two, to slow the spread of a seasonal virus.
Thankfully, clubs in Oregon know how to adapt and overcome, while at the same time appeasing the safety gods and following protocol—at least, those of us who weren’t financially ruined by closures or just unable to do so. Here at Exotic, we are all working for volunteer-credit-to-debt, just to get this fantastic publication back out on the racks, so we feel you.
In short, half of the Strip City population has been displaced due to circumstances outside of our control, while the other half was able to come up with some damn good (and, in some cases, genius) ways to stay afloat. As a whole, our entire industry has taken a huge hit from 2020 and Exotic is both supportive of those who have found a way to survive and empathetic to everyone who lost income or livelihood in the last few months. Let’s focus on getting that second group a leg up with the help of the first.
We want to see everyone come back stronger than before, so I’ve decided to open up this column for a few months, for press regarding club re-openings, new rules, quirks, workarounds, life hacks and anything else that your establishment is doing to keep the pole moving. While we’re always down to plug events, mixtapes and whatever band Blazer Sparrow is in this week, for the duration of the ‘Rona blues, I’m offering an extra, wide-open hand for anyone wanting to share their quarantine-era status with the rest of the community. What is your club doing to adapt? Let me know by emailing Editor@Xmag.com. Anything sent to our social media accounts is likely to be buried by dick pills and requests for interviews from internet rappers, so, yes, email is best. But, be as thorough and extensive in your testimony as possible, and I will do my best to get the word out regarding your spot.
Obviously deserving of a shout-out is one club that was ahead of the curve we’re all trying to flatten. Lucky Devil Eats (who went by "Boober," until a humorless company with a similar-sounding name threw a fit—sell your shares, kids) turned the idea of, "Oh, I guess we’ll see if the club has good food" into "Holy shit, their food is amazing and it comes delivered by a half-naked, sexy lady!" And, of course, they eventually expanded into a drive-through strip club, meaning that Portland was once again recognized as undisputed strip club entrepreneur royalty. This put our city on the map nationally, while most of the country was locked down and had zero plans of visiting Portland this year. Props to L.D. for showing the world that when times get tough, dancers just yawn and say "this is nothing...hold my heels."
Then, you have your digital hustlers—by this, I mean the dancers who embraced the virtual show—taking on everything from OnlyFans, to CamSoda, to Snapchat, to Zoom and beyond, to keep in touch with their customers. CashApp and Venmo owe you all a kickback. Or, Dante’s Sinferno, which retained its rank of being the longest-running burlesque and variety show on the west coast, simply by incorporating some technology and masks into their weekly showcase (shout out to Frank for calling out wishy-washy Kate Brown on the reader board). As of press time, Sinferno is still on, but with an earlier starting and ending time (and folks have to pretend other people are fire by staying six feet away...kind of like an adult version of "the floor is lava").
And, now that clubs are finally reopening, I’m seeing a lot of events that recognize social distancing laws, "our dancers wear masks" taglines and just a whole bunch of positive attitudes toward a really, really shitty situation.
Now, this is often where I would weigh in on world events, local politics or something of that nature. However—and, this may be the most radical stance I’ve taken in two decades of writing columns—we’re not going to be that publication. Literally every rag from Willamette Weak to Portland Mediocrity has been providing non-stop, heavily biased and half-informed coverage of viruses and demonstrations. Turn on, oh, Nickelodeon or Home Shopping Network, and you’re gonna see a constant stream of people at protests, people protesting masks, people protesting people for not wearing masks, etc.
I want Exotic to be an escape. Our stance on politics and disease should be given as much weight as Ted Wheeler’s perspective on pole tricks or Donald Biden’s opinion on two-dollar bills.
I also recognize nuance and how literally impossible it is to convey these days. Even though 99.99999% of our readers probably agree, in their heart, on the basics of being a decent person or wanting to see a world that gets along, the quickest way to make that number smaller is to cram hot takes on complex and multi-faceted issues in between columns about legal weed and naked women (which are equally complex and multi-faceted).
Until there is a nonstop barrage of national news on pole competitions, the benefits of booty masks and the current state of distance dances, I feel that this publication has a duty to balance out the ‘round-the-clock narrative (for better or worse—that’s all up to your own personal opinions and politics, neither of which should be based on what the porn magazine tells you). And, as far as our stance on anything that deals with current events dealing with 2020 as a whole, I proudly welcome curious parties to read our back issues. Exotic tends to speak out when others are quiet and we do so even when it’s not trendy. Our record should speak for itself and it also shows evolution—we don’t delete anything, as we take ownership over growth, as well as past mistakes (as in, anything penned by Jim, John or myself before we put down the bottle). And, we have an extremely broad crew of misfit writers who probably don’t agree on everything outside of our pages. So, we’re not here to echo, support, object to or otherwise weigh in on anything you’ll see in the mainstream news.
Will we run political pieces and provocative editorial? You bet your ass we will—but, Andy Norris and his conspiracies about Hillary Clinton being a deep-state plant aren’t flooding the news networks or causing strangers to stab each other in Whole Foods, due to masks or racism. Wombstretcha’s hot takes on Amish Communism aren’t exactly tearing cities apart right now. We’re going to remain Exotic, but we’re not going to become another generic, scripted, appease-the-readers-with-sweeping-generalizations publication. There are enough of those in Portland as is. We are here to give you pointers on which music goes best with what substance and how to give your brother-in-law a private dance.
That being said, much of this issue was originally slated for April, which would normally be our "Drug Issue." Thankfully, drugs are still in style and bigger than ever. Also, last month (July) would have been our 27th Anniversary Issue!!! Hey, "I missed my senior prom" kids—go to hell. We missed turning 27, and according to rock icon lore, this is the year that we die in a plane wreck or overdose. Hopefully, that won’t happen, but we’re washing our hands and wearing masks just to be safe (and don’t forget to get your custom, industry-endorsed face mask from PrintOnMyFace.com...I lose roughly five cents per order, so they’re a good way to protect your face and take stimulus money from my pocket).
Okay, folks...let’s see if we can re-open safely, in style and show the rest of Oregon that the adult entertainment industry is always ahead of the curve—wait, poor choice of words. Let’s hope we keep it flatter than Kate Brown’s booty.
SAT 1—LA PASSION—GRAND OPENING
SAT 15—STARS BRIDGEPORT—SUMMER BEACH PARTY
TUESDAYS—STARS CABARET (SALEM)—TACO TUESDAYS (4PM-8PM)
WEDNESDAYS—CHEETAHS XXX CABARET—WIGGLE WEDNESDAYS 2-FOR-1 VIP DANCES
SATURDAYS—SPYCE—FLIP-FOR-IT SATURDAYS (WIN A $100 BAR TAB) 4PM-7PM
SUNDAYS—DANTE’S—SINFERNO (8PM)
DAILY HAPPY HOURS: CABARET (11AM-5PM), Dv8 (4PM-7PM), GUILTY PLEASURES (1:30PM-5PM), LUST (12PM-7PM), SCARLET LOUNGE (10AM-4PM)
