Exotic Magazine - Issue 347
Volume 30 - Number 7 (January 2023)
by Blazer Sparrow
Does anyone remember The Tardis Room? On Killingsworth? I don’t mind talking shit ’cause it’s permanently closed. The Tardis Room was never the name of an actual establishment, it was the name of a room in an establishment called The Fish And Chip Shop—literally, a room whose square footage was mostly occupied by large, wooden tables. There was an actual raised stage, but it took up half the room. Despite the neat, sci-fi vibe and good food, the space didn’t really scream "live music spot" at first glance. Maybe for a slam poetry evening or a sad-boy, acoustic singer-songwriter showcase, but nothing much bigger and louder than that. Moreso, such a small, intimate space with a deep fryer sizzling in the next room didn’t seem like it warranted a salaried booker who lived in another state—putting together ten-band bills and sending them each a multi-page confirmation email for shows.
I’m not just picking on The Tardis Room (Rest In Power). This is a trend I’ve noticed in Portland—taking cramped, awkwardly small spaces and rebranding them as a trendy, live music space. More of an "art" space? Bookstores are one of the oddest choices since most folks usually associate those spots with peace and quiet. One of my all-time favorite "why the fuck is this a venue?" spots was the Burgerville on Hawthorne. Woe to the stumbling drunks who wandered in on a Friday night just to satiate their strikeout drunchies...
by Esmeralda Rupp-Spangle
Some of you have or will end up with, biological progeny. Like it or not, this is a fact. Some look forward to it as their greatest potential joy, and some dread the prospect more than bubonic plague. Nature is not kind to parents in many ways; it shortens lifespans, drains resources, and requires years of labor—which is often repaid with a "Fuck you, I’ll join a suicide cult if I want to!".
Yes, it may be written into our DNA to reproduce, but free will and sentience have allowed some of us to say "Oh, helll naw" to parenthood. Other animals don’t have the option to use prophylactics or abortifacients—Sally the Sturgeon’s only recourse is to find a fisherman who will sell her salty roe for an exorbitant fee and leave her corpse forgotten.
With that in mind, let us examine some of the shittier parental experiences to be had in the world of fauna...
by Hannah One Cup
I enjoy updating you all on what occurred to me the previous month of you having your hands on this magazine article; it gives me a chance to let you all know what kind of person I am, which will then encapsulate most of the reasons I write what I do. I also really enjoy telling people how they could better their lives by listening to some of my sage advice. "Do as I say, not as I do" sort of thing—which is what brings us to this article at hand. I’d like to tell you all what happened and what I’ve learned this past month, and also give you some tips on how to stop being such a failure, because we all know you probably didn’t win the lottery, which doesn’t make you a winner, now, does it?...
by Wombstretcha
Everyone’s afraid of something. Most things ordinary people are afraid of are easily understood and typically present a more-or-less justified threat to well-being or safety, like a fear of heights, spiders, flying, or gorillas who just did a pile of cocaine. These commonplace fears aren’t the same as a proper phobia, though.
"What’s the difference between regular fear and a phobia?" you may ask. Well, a phobia is irrational. It doesn’t make sense, or even if it might, it affects the phobic person in a disproportional, drastic, life-affecting way. Most of us can muster up the courage to climb a tall ladder, squash a spider, get on a plane, or soothe a gorilla by playing the clarinet, even if these things unsettle us. Someone with a real phobia could not move past their fear at any cost—even if threatened...
by Bryan A. Bybee & Barnaby Bandini
Local industry news and events...
Featuring Nia, Miss Exotic Oregon 2023...
photos by Hypnox
Photos from the final rounds...
interview by Bryan A. Bybee, photos by Hypnox
First and foremost, congratulations! You absolutely killed it, and your theme was very unique! Why did you choose the theme you chose, and had you considered other choices?
Thank you so much! I chose the boxing and Latin theme because I felt they were two things that truly represented me and my journey here in Portland. The boxing part was to show that I was here and ready to kick ass, despite any obstacles, and I just honestly thought it would be badass. When I was considering themes, I wanted to choose something that I was proud of. With it being my last competition, I wanted it to be authentically and unapologetically ME, regardless if I won or not. Growing up a first-generation Mexican-American and being from California, I’ve always been deeply immersed in my culture, and it’s always been a huge part of me. I wanted to show my love and pride for my community and my roots, as well as reject the narrative that having the Portland alternative aesthetic is needed to be successful in the industry....
