by Esmeralda Rupp-Spangle
The history of human sexuality is littered with perversity. Unfortunately, most of it is overlooked or glossed over by your boring high school teacher in favor of whatever lame facts the current school curriculum requires. Who wants to know about the Civil War when the history of deviance is right there? No one, that’s who. I bet if I’d been taught this kinda stuff in class, I would have gotten better than a C-.
The word dildo (from the Italian: diletto, meaning "delight" and the Latin: diatare, meaning "open wide") was invented around 1400, but phallic representations have been around far, far longer. One such curious item, a 7.8-inch stone dong, was discovered in Germany not more than a few years ago and dated back at least 28,000 years. Archaeologists aren’t sure if it was ever, well, used, but I can’t imagine spending all that time carving a detailed, generously-sized stone wang while fleeing from cave bears and foraging for scraps and not taking the time to use it...
by Blazer Sparrow
Okay, yes, Portland does have a scene. But, what is the scene bringing to the national table, let alone the global one? Sure, stuff’s happening here, but is it anything worth exporting? What new sound is coming out of Portland that’s making snarky journalists from NME fly over here to coin a brutally scathing yet accurate term for it? Currently, none, but maybe we can change that. Right here, right now, in this magazine, you picked up in a sex toy shop!
It’s not hard. At this point, people are pulling generic genre adjectives and gluing them together. Just throw "core" or "post" onto literally any word, and you have a new genre. Why is every Portland band trying to be the next Elliott Smith or Modest Mouse when we could start throwing darts at a dictionary.
The following are just a few ideas that I feel our wet, little, wooded city is already primed to make reality. The ingredients are there. We just need to put them in the oven and commit. So, all you song slingers out there reading this—chew on these and see if you can spit anything out...
by Elise Fontaine
When I think of Orpheus, I think of lust and other sins. Wildfire sunsets during the summer that choke the air with sublime beauty, smoke, and death. When we could taste the screams of faraway loss as we strolled to a nearby human-made lake to make out in the view of bright moss.
When I think of Orpheus, I think of flesh on flesh when we fused on his bed listening to Suicide’s first album on vinyl. The devil’s ivy filled the space with a sprawling hope I so desperately wanted inside of me...
by Wombstretcha
This being the magazine that it is—one which you obtain and skim while waiting for the next dancer to do the next set at the venue of your choice—you have certain expectations. I’ve covered in the recent past such topics as historical naval battles and nostalgic recollections of food and drink from the 1990s, but those do not intrigue the genitals. I had read, at a time, a list of the top Pornhub searches by state, and they were astonishingly bland.
My idea, of course, is to dig deeper—to find less-popular search items which reveal the true character of each respective state. So, I’m getting out my shovel and looking at the 50th most popular porn search, which will ultimately tell us more than the eternal first place of "huh huh, lesbians" ever could. The taste of the masses is generic, but when you drill down, well, you find out what people are really made of. In this case, they’re made of perversity. So, buckle up, as we’re gonna get sticky.
States are listed in alphabetical order...
by Bryan A. Bybee & Barnaby Bandini
Local industry news and events...
Featuring Valerie from Cheetahs Cabaret...
by Hannah One Cup
I really wanted to make this article more personal than the others because I feel that maybe you guys (the readers) want to know what us folks (the writers) actually do during their months, other than sitting around judging people, getting drunk, and writing for Exotic. We really have it all, the booze, the attention, the ladies and gents, and the money. None of this is in order, and none of it is bragging about how much of any of these particular items we have (I currently have about four bottles of whisky and one nefarious-looking bottle of gin, the rest is private).
Along with all this swag, I personally have invested a great deal of time doing other shit (this is where you say, "What shit do you do!?" all excited like). Well, this is the shit I did this month...read up and quit asking...
