Exotic Magazine - Issue 324
Volume 28 - Number 4 (October 2020)
by S.L.
In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad, known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.
dun dun...
U.S. District Court
225 Cadman Plaza E.
Brooklyn, NY 11201
September 15, 2020
"Order in the court...ORDER!"
"Goddamnit," she thinks. "My stripper cop costume shrunk in the dryer, riding up my crotch causing camel toe. A shiny, black PVC hat presses into my skull."
The room becomes silent...
by Esmeralda Rupp-Spangle
As a long time public transport user, I’ve been doing extremely in-depth research on this topic for decades and have compiled my data into a series of handy bullet points, which I hope will bring you hours of schadenfreude. Because, to ride public transportation is to suffer, and if you must suffer, so should everyone else (that, or be high enough to be oblivious)...
by Shaq
Hi, everyone. It’s me. The Diesel. Shaq Daddy. Master of Shaq-Fu. King Of The Court. Destroyer of backboards. Shaquille. Most of you know me. I’m Superman’s number one fan. Fuck Jerry Seinfeld. I’m the one, baby. I have way more memorabilia than him. I have a storage unit as big as his apartment, filled with Superstuff. He has, what...the one little statue? Get out of here with that, Jerry Seinfeld. But, I digress. What you may not know, is that there was a time (and it pains me to admit this) that I actually did fake the funk on a nasty dunk. It fills me with shame and dread, just to think back and recall. But, I think it’s time I get this out in the open and put it all behind us...
by Hannah One Cup
I’m just going to get right into it—none of this should really require any explanation. But, I will give one anyway, just in case you’ve not been part of the party that’s been happening the last few months. For those of you who have been away from it, here is where the rest of us have been lately, as we fall into one of two categories:
A) Working from home, in which case we still get to chatter a bit, long-distance, with the two co-workers we can stand and make dirty jokes with.
Or,
B) Unemployed. We’ve been receiving weekly checks, which the bigwigs think we’re using to boost the economy. Everyone knows what we’re really using it on: booze, GrubHub takeout, sexy Trojan condoms and fancy lubes.
The following back-to-work shopping list is meant for both categories A and B, since preparing for the eventual return to—and, given the length of time you’ve been out of—the physical workplace, you could all use some touch-ups and restocking of the new, necessary supplies for your daily work routine. Yes, times are a changing and so can you...
by Ray McMillin
Local industry news and events...
Featuring Havana & Fenty from Hawthorne Strip...
by DJ HazMatt
Portland has our institutions. Some are still thriving (Mary’s Club, Dante’s) some have passed away (Doc’s, Safari, Doc’s Back When It Was Safari) and a few have been reborn from the ashes (*fingers crossed* big money, big money, Jiggles, big money...).
Few, however, are legends. Such is the case with Otter’s Inn*.
Formerly a double-wide trailer, this "mobile" (if that’s not the most ironic term, I swear...) home had been spray-painted black and parked on the border of Sketchy 82nd Avenue and Not That Bad 82nd Avenue in Portland, a few blocks from the train tracks (on which sides of the neighborhood are judged as such).
I went in on a whim...
by Wombstretcha
This year’s Halloween is going to be different than those in most preceding years, where there was not a global health event occurring.
The blight known as COVID-19, AKA "coronavirus," AKA the "wu flu," AKA "dat ’rona," has persisted across the world and numbers continue to rise and fall, with the only thing predictable being the general uncertainty of it all. It’s made society reevaluate the importance of in-person meetings, events and all manner of social occasions. Thus, it is only natural to expect that it will influence the execution of every sane* person’s Halloween plans...
by DiscountTherapist
A bartender sees a lot of shit, both figuratively and sometimes literally. You should see the "biohazard kit" I put together, for when the bathroom is out of order. You’d be impressed. You’d also be impressed with the crazy people I deal with. Here are a few stories...
by Blazer Sparrow
So, I’ve done bad costumes and haunted house ideas...it’s getting harder and harder to come up with clever Halloween ideas relating to music. Especially now that it seems Halloween (along with live music) is effectively canceled, until further notice. Why bother spewing some witty bullshit about our deader-than-usual scene? Just as I was about to give up, resign and go on another coke bender, I realized there is one obnoxious tradition that bands will sometimes do on this Hallowed Hallow’s Eve—putting together a tribute band for one night only. Get it? Putting on the costume of another band? I said it was obnoxious, but hey, let’s take what we can get in this never-ending lockdown...
by Stoned Cold Sativa Awesome
It’s not always easy being green. Whether the stench of a reggae festival, the smell of the tent you slept in at the reggae festival or the person you ended up taking home after the reggae festival, stoners have a wide array of threats to our safety and sanity. Our life is one big, haunted grow site. And, dry mouth and bad taste in décor aren’t the biggest demons lurking in our bong water. Here is a short list of the five least-discussed horrors associated with cannabis consumption...
by CM Brown
On the third day in town, J took some new turns around the neighborhood—the early autumn leaves swirling in the wind and crunching under his feet. The houses huddled in the shelter of trees and shrubs, afterthoughts to the landscape, rather than the focus. He imagined himself living in the homes as he walked by them, in another life, with things like dogs and kids. Maybe a broken swing hanging from a tree. Laughing relatives and holidays. A modest car, from which there was constant unloading; brown bags of groceries about to spill, bright pink plastic mall bags full of presents, squirming toddlers, as the alarm chirp and the doors click shut from a hands-full hip bump. Home from work, home from school, home from vacation. Porches designed for orange summer evenings, silence and crickets. An umber light humming from the windows. Sweet dreams...
